


You Were The Song Stuck In My Head

by Flickaa_T



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Break Up, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Love, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, I'm Sorry, Parent-Child Relationship, Patrick being a good dad, Pete Wentz is a good bro, Protective Siblings, Smut, Tricky getting hurt, Unplanned Pregnancy, but he gets a happy ending, like a lot, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 21:02:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16183136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flickaa_T/pseuds/Flickaa_T
Summary: Forgive me, I'm bad at this stuff.So this is my third fanfiction and the first I'm actually a bit proud of so I fully intend on finishing it this time.Sorry for any mistakes, I'm from Germany and am not a native English speaker.This story is about best friends who fell in love a long time ago and still love each other very much, but break up because of insecurities. They meet again a few years later, both have changed a lot, so what will happen? You'll have to read to find out.





	1. Prologue

_„ **I’m madly in love with you, Patrick Stumph. And I’m a fucking idiot.** “ Those were the last words I said to my best friend before I felt him cupping my cheeks with both hands and placing his incredibly soft lips on mine for the most passionate kiss I had ever received at that time. Not that there was much experience I had for comparison, I was fourteen and this was only the fourth kiss I had ever received. I actually received all four kisses from my best friend, but this one was different. This one changed our lives forever._

 

_The first time my best friend kissed me was awkward to say the least. It was a warm summer night a few weeks before the finals of our freshmen year in high school. I was very good in school, a straight A student who skipped third and seventh grade. So I was two years younger than everyone in my grade, but I was used to that. I met my best friend on our first day in high school and we hit it off right away. He was my only friend in school, but he was everything I needed._

 

_We sat on the roof of my childhood home that night. It was nothing out of the ordinary, we did that every friday night when we had our weekly movie night. We climbed the ladder next to my window and sat on the roof, quietly stargazing. My best friend liked to point out star constellations to me. He didn’t have a clue about star constellations, he just made them up on the spot to make me laugh._

 

_He was oddly quiet that summer night, but I didn’t pester him about it. I knew he would talk to me if he wanted to. Until then, I just sat with him in comfortable silence, arms and thighs touching, like always._

 

_ „Hey, Jess?“, he suddenly broke the silence. _

_ „Yeah?“ _

_ „Look at me.“, he said softly. _

_ „Are you okay?“, I asked as I locked eyes with him. He seemed to be nervous. _

_ „Yeah, I just...nevermind.“, he sighed, slumping his shoulders a bit. _

_ „You know you can talk to me, right? About anything.“ _

_ „Yeah, I know. It’s just...“, he paused, taking a deep breath. _

 

_„Please don’t hate me for this.“, he said quietly._

_„Why the fuck would I-“_

_„Shut up, Jess.“, he cut me off, smiling softly. I smiled back, watching his gaze flick to my lips and back to my eyes a few times. He took another deep breath and gently tipped my chin up with his thumb and forefinger, softly placing his lips on mine. This had taken him a lot of courage. Patrick Martin Stumph wasn’t considered very outgoing, he was the shy boy from next door. At least, if you didn’t know him like I knew him._

 

_I was shocked at first, but instantly relaxed into the kiss, it was just so damn comforting. He moved the hand he used to tip my chin up and gently stroked a piece of my auburn hair that fell from my messy bun back behind my ear, then cupped my cheek so he could deepen the kiss. I opened up to him the second I felt his tongue lightly graze my bottom lip. It was messy and awkward at first, you could tell it was the first kiss for the both of us, but we got a hang of it pretty fast._

 

_I was first to break away from him, needing air. We locked eyes and he placed his forehead on mine, softly stroking my cheek. Neither of us said a word for fear of breaking the moment._

_„What was that for?“, I eventually whispered._

_„I-i don’t know. I just had the urge to kiss you.“_

_„Okay.“_

_„Okay?“_

_„I kissed back, didn’t I?“_

_„Yeah...“_

_„Don’t worry, Patrick, I liked it....I think.“_

_„Good.“_

_„Good.“_

 

_The second time my best friend kissed me was not as awkward as the first. It was a few weeks after that night on my roof as I was nervously rambling on about an oncoming exam. He just grabbed me and kissed me in the middle of the school corridor. I think he mostly did it to shut me up, but it distracted and comforted me enough to not think about my exams for the rest of the day._

_„Better?“, he asked after we detached ourselves from each other._

_„Better.“, I said._

_„You know you’re going to pass your exams with ease, right?“_

_„I suppose. Thank you, ‘Trick.“_

_„That’s what I’m here for.“, he smiled._

 

_The third time my best friend kissed me, it resulted in me almost lossing him if I hadn't had gotten my shit together. We never talked about the kisses we shared before. It was like a silent understanding that we both enjoyed what happened, but neither of us wanted to risk our friendship by taking our relationship further. That’s what I thought at least._

 

_We had another one of our friday night sleepovers, watching Ghostbusters and cuddling on my bed, my head lying on Patrick’s shoulder with his arm wrapped around me, absentmindedly tracing patterns on my back._

 

_„You know Jess, you are the only person I know who can mouth the dialogue of this movie almost as precisely as I can.“, Patrick said, disturbing the comfortable silence surrounding us._

_„I know that, ‘Trick. That’s one of the many perks that comes with your friendship. You kind of don’t get around unconsciously memorizing that movie. I mean, how many times did we watch it already?“_

_„I don’t know, I lost count, Jessica.“_

_„Stop that.“_

_„What, Jessica?“, he teased, purposely using my full name, even though he knew I hated that._

_„Patrick.“, I said in a low warning tone._

_„Jessica.“, he grinned._

_„Patrick.“_

_„You know that’s actually pretty hot.“, he said out of the blue, a mischievous smirk grazing his lips. Where was that confidence coming from?_

_„W-what?“, I asked, confused. „When you talk that low, with that warning tone. Your voice is pretty hot then.“_

_„Is it, now?“, I smirked._

_„Yeah, like some sex hotline worker or something.“_

_„I think you’re being pretty rude right now, Patrick.“, I said, dropping my voice low again._

_„I think I have best friend privileges.“, Patrick chuckled._

_„Best friend privileges, huh? Maybe I should make you pay for talking to me from now on.“, I teased._

_„You wouldn’t dare.“_

_„Oh, but I would.“_

_„You wouldn’t.“, Patrick stated, suddenly flipping us over so he was hovering above me, supporting his weight with his arms on either side of my shoulders._

_„But I would.“, I whispered._

_„You wouldn’t“, Patrick whispered._

 

_And then his lips where on mine, his tongue instantly asking for entrance which I granted him. My hands slid around his neck and into his hair, tugging at the roots and knocking his trucker hat off in the process. He groaned, the vibrations sending shivers down my spine. Patrick’s hand slid down the side of my body and under my shirt, stroking the bare skin of my waist while he attached his lips to my neck, kissing and sucking his way downward. I knew he would leave marks if I didn’t stop him, but I didn’t give a flying fuck in the heat of the moment._

 

_I let out a low moan when he found my sweet spot and I felt him smirk against my skin. How could something so wrong feel so right? I tugged him back up by his hair and attached my lips to his again, gently taking control of the kiss. I lightly pushed at his chest and he took the hint, sitting up and taking me with him so I was straddling his hips. Now it was my turn to attack his jaw and neck with kisses and nips. I slowly started rotating my hips into his and felt him straining against the denim of his jeans. His lips fell open and he moaned when I lightly sucked at his pulse point. The sounds he made where heavenly._

 

_„Wait!“, he suddenly exclaimed, making me stop and look up at him. „What are we doing?“, he asked, a serious look on his face._

_„I-i don’t know.“, I answered, not sure what he wanted me to say. „I thought we were having fun?“, I said, but it came out more like a question._

_„Fun.“, he repeated, the look on his face taking over a hint of bitterness._

_„I don’t understand, what are you trying to say, Patrick?“_

_„You know what, Jess, I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea. I lost myself in the moment, I’m sorry.“, he rambled, lifting me from his lap and detaching himself completely from me before standing up and grabbing his bag._

_„Patrick, what are you doing? I don’t understand, did I do something wrong?“_

_„No, Jess. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was my fault to think this, whatever this is, was more than just fun. I should’ve known. This is not how best friends treat each other. I shouldn’t even have kissed you in the first place.“, he said, turning to leave._

_„Wait! ‘Trick, are you saying you like me? Like as more than a friend?“_

_„Are you really that blind? I’ve liked you from the moment I literally ran into you and knocked you on your cute little ass on our first day in high school!“, he exclaimed. I was struck speechless, for the first time in my life I didn’t know what to say._

_„Really, Jess? You’ve got nothing to say?“, he asked, a deep frown forming on his face. My mouth opened and closed a few times, but no sounds where coming out._

_„Nevermind, I should have known. I’ll leave you alone in school from now on.“, he quietly said and turned to leave once again._

_„Wait!“, I called out, finding my voice again._

_„What do you want, Jessica?!“, he snapped, the hurt evident in his expression._

_„I-i don’t know.“, I said, barely above a whisper._

_„You know what, Jess, decide what you want first and then come talk to me. Until then, please leave me alone.“, he said with finality and turned around, leaving me dumbfounded sitting on my bed._

 

_I cried myself to sleep that night. And every following night, too. He didn’t talk to me for the last few weeks of school. I tried apologizing, but he just cut me off and told me not to talk to him unless I had decided what I wanted. I never felt so alone in my life before. I was miserable. And that’s how I really got to think about my decisions for the first time in my short life. I knew I needed Patrick in my life and I had to make things right with him. And in order to do that I hada decision to make. Actually, I relaized there was nothing to decide. I knew what I wanted from the very beginning, I was just too scared to admit it. But now I had to or I would loose Patrick for good._

 

_I texted him to meet me at the school, on the roof of the school to be exact. He didn’t answer, but I hoped he would come, he just had to. So I sat in the middle of flowers and plants, property of the schools gardening club, waiting. I waited almost an hour without anyone showing up, but I had nothing else to do, so I stayed._

_„So, Jessica, why did you want to meet me here?“, I suddenly heard the more than familiar voice of my best friend behind me, making me jump._

_„I didn’t think you would show up.“, I said quietly, wiping away the tears I didn’t realize I’ve been shedding until then._

_„I didn’t plan on it, but I decided to give you a chance.“_

_„Patrick, I’m so sorry. I’m-“_

_„Jess, I don’t want to hear your apologies. If you-“, he cut me off._

_„Hear me out, will you?!“, I snapped, eventually turning around and facing him. He nodded for me to go on, but stood silent._

_„I’m sorry for hurting you and for not realizing sooner that I knew what I wanted since we met. I’m madly in love with you, Patrick Stumph! And I’m an idiot-“ I didn’t even get the chance to get out the whole speech I had prepared before Patrick had closed the gap between us, cupped my face with his hands and placed his lips on mine in a passionate kiss._

_„I love you, Jessica and I don’t care if it’s too soon to say that. It’s how I feel.“, he breathed when we broke apart for air._

_„I love you, too, Patrick.“, I said softly before kissing him again._

 

_Patrick and I started dating from that day on. We grew even closer than we were before. He was my rock. For example, he helped me to finally get over my mother’s death. She died from cancer when I was eight. Of course I will never stop missing her, but now I’m actually able to talk about her without breaking down in tears._

 

_Patrick met my brother’s friend Joe in a bookstore when we where out one day in 2001 and they talked about music and eventually started planning on playing in a band together. My brother Pete, who is 7 years older than me, didn’t know about my boyfriend until they had their first band meeting at Patrick’s and I was there, too. Surprise! I didn’t tell him sooner, because Pete can be very overprotective of me and I didn’t want him to threaten Patrick or scare him off. He was confused and a bit disappointed at first, but he quickly took a liking to Patrick._

 

_For clarification, Pete didn’t live at home anymore at that time. He had his own apartment in the city, because he and Dad didn’t get along that well since mom died. Their relationship was getting better again since the seperation. Dad welcomed Patrick into the family pretty quickly, too. He already had accepted him as my best friend before we were a couple, so it was just a small step for him._

 

_In 2001, after the school dance at the end of our sophomore year, we slept over at Patrick’s, because his parents where out of town for a few days. That’s when we had our first time together. I was fifteen and he was seventeen then. It was pretty awkward, but we learned how to treat each other in bed pretty fast. Patrick was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first sex, my first everything. I think the fact that I was his firsts, too, did make our bond even stronger._

 

_We finished high school together and I started studying for my degree in dramatic arts at the University of Chicago. I wanted to work on muscial theatre, maybe even on Broadway. While I went to college, Patrick concentrated on his music. They made it in the music business and the band got pretty big. In 2007, shortly after I graduated from college, Patrick asked me to move to L.A. with him and after a long time of contemplating, I eventually gave up my dream of working on Broadway for him and we moved into a small, but nice apartment in L.A., living together for the first time._

 

_I was looking forward to start a new life with Patrick at first, but I realized pretty quickly that this life didn’t make me happy. I worked at a little music store to occupy myself with something while Patrick was working or touring. He had been telling me that I didn’t have to work and he could provide for the both of us, but I refused to have to be depending on him like that. I really tried for Patrick, because I loved him so much, but then I started getting depressed again when I was alone in the apartment which I was quite often, because Patrick was busy with his music. He didn’t even notice how unhappy I was, but I didn’t blame him. He was living his dream and I was just holding him back. My insecurities got the best of me once again and I had easily talked myself into having to set him free so he could live the life he deserved. I talked myself into being selfish for keeping him by my side. And so I made the biggest mistake of my life..._


	2. The Last Snippet Of Love

** August 2008 **

****

I jumped as I suddenly felt a pair of arms snake around my waist, instantly relaxing when I felt myself being pulled into a familiar warm body.

„That smells delicious, Sweetheart.“, Patrick murmured, resting his chin on my shoulder and trying to peek into the pots I had on the stove.

„Hey, you. I didn’t hear you coming home, you scared me a bit here.“

„What is it with you, always so deep in thought lately? You don’t even notice what’s happening around you. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?“, he asked, playfully tugging at my auburn locks. He tried playing it cool, but I knew he was worrying about me slipping away from him. I hated myself for what I was about to do. I was about to shatter his heart, but it was for the best.

„I’m okay, don’t worry about me, Trick. How was work at the studio?“

„Pretty good, we got a lot done for the new record. Hey, you’ll talk to me if something bothers you, okay? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?“

„I know that, Honey. You are always the first I talk to, I promise.“, I said, turning around in his arms and reaching up to gently stroke his sideburns, smiling reassuringly.

„Okay.“, he sighed, not seeming to be completely convinced. I think he knew something was up, but he surely didn’t expect what was about to happen that night.

„C’mon, Trick. Let’s eat, I made your favourite.“, I said, gently tugging him down to kiss him on the lips. He approvingly hummed into the kiss.

„How did I deserve that? Did I forget my birthday again?“, he smirked.

„It’s August, Patrick, your birthday is in April. Can a girl not try to make her man happy?“, I said, mirroring his smirk.

„If that’s the case, I’d rather eat something else.“, he murmured, wiggling his eyebrows and pinching my butt.

„Patrick Martin Stumph, you dirty little man!“, I exclaimed, playfully hitting his shoulder, effectively pushing him away.

After we mostly ate in comfortable silence, I settled on the couch in the living room while Patrick roamed our record collection, taking his time to decide what to put on. Finally he settled himself next to me, resting his arm around my shoulders. I cuddled into his side, loosing myself in his presence while I heard Frank Sinatra playing softly in the backround.

„You picked that for me, didn’t you?“, I hummed softly.

„What can I say, gotta keep the lady happy.“, he murmured, kissing the top of my head.

„I love you so much.“, I said, barely above a whisper.

„Dance with me.“, he whispered.

„W-what?“, I asked, confused. He never danced with me, unless he was drunk.

„C’mon, Jess. Dance with me.“, he repeated, standing up and tugging me up with him. He enveloped me in his arms, pulling me as close as possible while I wrapped my arms around his neck as we softly swayed to the soft tune of Sinatra’s  _ Love Is Here To Stay _ .  ** Ironic ** .

„I love you, too.“, he said softly, resting his forehead against mine.

I loved moments like this with him. He could make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, but unfortunately, this was not my everyday reality and that wonderful feeling wouldn’t last.

I hadn’t noticed the few stray tears that fell from my eyes until Patrick stopped swaying us and reached up to wipe them away, a look of concern crossing his features.

„What’s wrong, Babe? I know you, something is bothering you. You don’t act like yourself lately.“, he said, sounding desperate.

„It’s nothing, Trick. Really, it’s just a little bit overwhelming right now, my emotions are all over the place lately.“, I said softly, trying my best to avoid his gaze.

„Jess-“, he sighed, clearly not convinced, so I kissed him softly, effectively distracting him. Our lips moved in sync and he cupped my face with his hands and took control of the kiss, his tongue gently licking its way into my mouth and exploring all over again what he knew better than anybody else.

He easily overpowered me when our tongues fought for dominance, the kiss turning into a heated makeout session pretty fast. One of his hands tangled in my hair, tugging my head back gently so he could attack my neck with his mouth, sucking and nipping on the exposed skin and marking me as his while the other hand wandered down my back and grabbed my butt, pulling me flush against him.

With my body pressed against his with literally no space between us, I could clearly feel his arousal through the layers of our clothes. I fisted one hand in his hair and lightly tugged him off my neck so I could connect our lips again while I let the other hand travel down his chest and soft stomach to lightly graze my fingers against the buldge at the front of his jeans.

He gasped and bit his lower lip, effectively breaking the kiss.

„C’mon, Trick. Sit down.“, I murmured, leading him back to the couch and gently pushing him down so I could climb on his lap, straddling him.

„Fuck, Jess.“, he whimpered when I started softly grinding my hips into his.

I gently stroked his sideburns with my fingers before kissing him on the lips again. I broke the kiss again after a short time and started trailing kisses down his jaw and neck, lightly sucking at his sweet spot. I felt him twitch in his jeans when I did that.

„Eager, are we?“, I chuckled softly.

„Fuck, woman, you have no clue what you’re doing to me.“, he groaned, trailing his hands underneath my shirt and stroking what bare skin he could reach.

In return, I quickly unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans, pushing my hand past the waistband of his boxers, stroking him softly. A broken moan escaped his lips and he shivered at my touch.

„I-i need more.“, he stuttered, his voice barely above a whisper. I smirked and slid off of his lap, kneeling on the floor between his legs.

„Oh god, yes.“, he groaned, knowing what was about to come when he looked down at me through half lidded eyes.

I reached up and tugged his jeans and boxers down a bit, exposing his fully erect cock. I took him in my hand and Patrick shivered again.

„S-stop teasing.“, he gritted out, biting his lower lip again.

„You mean, you don’t want me to do  _ this _ ?“, I asked and looked up at him innocently as I softly kissed his tip.

„J-jessica.“, he groaned. I smirked smugly up at him, but decided not to torture him any further.

I lowered my head and took his tip into my mouth, sucking gently and already tasting his leaking precum on my tongue. Patrick sucked in a harsh breath and threw his head back, firmly closing his eyes. I took him further into my mouth and started bobbing my head, stroking with my hand what I couldn’t fit and using the other hand to gently massage his balls. Patrick’s cock was pretty big, relatively long with an impressive girth. I still remember it hurting like hell when he took my virginity.

I could tell Patrick was close when he began to twitch in my mouth as I swirled my tongue around him. The little moans and grunts that tumbled out of his mouth sounded heavenly, encouraging me to keep going. I hollowed my cheeks and sucked him a little harder, making him fist his hand in my hair and half-heartedly trying to tug me off of him, but I pushed his hand away and sucked even harder.

„Oh god, Jess, fuck! I’m gonna-“, he groaned, not being able to finish his sentence when his whole body stiffened and he came down my throat with a guttural moan.

I swallowed everything he gave me and gently sucked him clean, finally releasing him with a soft kiss to his tip while he watched with hooded eyes, pupils blown and breathing heavily.

„I love you so much.“, he mumbled incorehently, still high on his post-orgasmic bliss.

„I love you, too.“, I murmured as I tucked him back into his boxers. I stood up and straddled him again, pecking his lips.

„I need a minute, you just fucking blew my mind.“, he muttered, still collapsed into the couch cushion, completely out of breath.

„Mischief managed.“, I grinned.

„Nerd.“, he chuckled.

„Punk.“, I shot back, softly connecting our lips again.

„Let’s take this to the bedroom, huh?“, Patrick murmured against my lips. I stood up again and tugged him up by his hand. He used his chance and quickly pulled my shirt up and over my head before placing his lips on mine again. Shedding peace after peace of our clothing, we made it to the bedroom in just our undergarments, kissing and giggling all the way there.

Reaching the bedroom, he gently pushed me onto the bed and climbed on top of me. Reaching my hand into his hair, I tugged him down to connect our lips again, arching my back off of the bed so he could reach behind me to unclasp my bra with one hand, a task he perfected over the years. Pulling the garment off of me, he flung it across the room and instantly attached his mouth to one of my nipples, massaging the other breast with his hand.

Letting a gasp escape my mouth, I arched my back into his touch, feeling my arousal pooling between my legs.

„Trick, I need you.“, I whimpered and he chuckled darkly. I knew he would get back at me for teasing him before. Slowly he trailed kisses down my bare body, starting between my breasts and making his way downwards over my stomach, stopping at the waistband of my panties.

He placed a featherlight kiss over my panties, where I wanted him the most, causing my breath to hitch and a moan to tumble out of my mouth. Smiling smugly, he left me aching for him and trailed kisses up and down my inner thighs.

„Patrick!“, I whined, but he ignored me and nipped on my skin, very close to my core.

„Patrick, please! I need you!“, I begged. Having enough of his relentless teasing, I took matters into my own hands and pushed him away from me in order to get out of my soaked panties.

He watched me bare myself to him, breathing heavily with his pupils dilated and his eyes darkened with lust. He loved it when I took a little bit of control in the bedroom, even though he usually was more dominant than me.

Spreading my legs, I laid back down in front of him, innocently looking up at him, a silent invitation. Patrick reacted faster than he ever did as he dove forward and attached his mouth to my aching core, licking and sucking at my clit and inserting two fingers into me, pumping fast. He hoisted my legs over his shoulders to have better access, intensifying the feeling of his tongue on my pussy.

I gasped and fisted my hand in his hair, tugging harshly. He moaned and the vibrations on my clit made my legs quiver. He inserted a third finger, opening me up for him. I was so worked up, it only took a few seconds before my walls clamped down on his fingers and I came with his name tumbling from my lips.

In my post-orgasmic bliss I didn’t even notice Patrick getting rid of his boxers before he climbed back over me, trailing kisses up my bare body. He kissed me on the lips deeply and I gasped into his mouth when I felt the tip of his cock at my entrance, slowly pushing in. When he was halfway inside me, he pulled back out completely and I whimpered at the loss, suddenly feeling empty.

He kissed me again and pushed himself inside me in one deep thrust, filling me up and stretching me marvelously, making us both whimper in the process. When he was fully sheathed, he stilled and gave me time to adjust. After a few seconds, I wrapped my legs around his waist, giving him my silent consent to move.

He started thrusting at a slow pace, reaching deep inside me and slowly building up his pace.

„Patrick!“, I gasped when he hit my sweet spot, angling his hips to hit it again and again with every thrust.

„Trick, faster!“, I moaned and he complied. When he picked up his pace, I felt the familiar coil building slowly in my core. I fisted my hand in his hair again when he leaned down to nip and suck at my neck. Arching my back off of the bed, I gasped loudly and raked my nails down his back when he reached between us to roughly rub my clit with his fingers.

„I’m close.“, I whimpered.

„Let go, Babe. I’m right behind you.“, he panted, breathing heavily. It only took a few more thrusts for the coil inside me to finally snap and I came hard, moaning his name and clenching around him. He let me ride out my orgasm and picked up his pace when I came down from my high. A few seconds later, his thrust became more and more erratic and I pulled him down to kiss him before he stilled and came deep inside me with a low groan of my name. The feeling of him spilling his seed triggering another, smaller orgasm for me.

He rolled off of me and collapsed beside me, using the last bit of strength he had left to pull me against his side. Sweaty and completely spent, we cuddled up against each other, trying to catch our breaths.

„I love you.“, he breathed, after a few minutes of coming down from his high.

„I love you, too. So fucking much. Please don’t forget that. Like ever.“

„Why would I?“, he asked, confused amusement evident in his voice.

„I dunno, just sayin’.“, I mumbled, slowly drifting off to sleep. The last thing I noticed before sleep captivated me was his breath evening out as he fell asleep, too.

                                                                                      ***

I woke up in the middle of the night with Patrick spooning me, snoring quietly with his arms wrapped around me, warming me up. His embrace made me feel safe and protected, he felt like home. I woul’ve loved to stay in his arms forever, but I had made up my mind and I wouldn’t back down. As much as I didn’t want to do this, I had to. For him. I loved him so much, I had to let him go.

I untangled myself from his arms, careful not to wake him up, rolled out of bed and quietly dressed myself. I pulled the letter I wrote a few nights ago when he was at the studio out of my bedside drawer and put it on his nightstand, laying the silver necklace with the heart-shaped locket he got me for our fifth anniversary on top. I turned to Patrick and watched him sleep for a few moments. He looked so peaceful, his features relaxed and his lips curled into a slight smile in his slumber.

I leaned down and gently kissed his forehead.

„I’m sorry, Trick. I love you so much.“, I whispered. He stirred, but thankfully didn’t wake up. I knew I couldn’t go through with my plan if he woke up. I quickly made my way out of the bedroom and grabbed my previously packed backpack out of the cupboard in the hallway. I had only packed the most important things I would need.

With silent tears running down my face I left the apartment complex and hailed a cab, telling the driver to take me to the airport. I didn’t look back. Not even once. I knew if I did, I would turn around and run back to him...

                                                                                      ***

Two days later, I received a text message from Pete.

_ \- ‘Sis, what did you do?’ _

As cryptical as the message might be, I understood what he wanted to tell me. I was glad that Patrick had my brother as a friend in hard times like this. Pete would take care of him.

                                                                                      ***

 

The Letter

__

_ Dear Patrick, _

__

_ hopefully when you’re reading this, I’ll be gone. Maybe in another city already, or even in another state. I don’t know where life will take me, but I’m not coming back. _

_ Please believe me, Trick, that I never wanted to hurt you, but I had to leave. It would’ve been selfish to stay, knowing that my unhappiness with this life would’ve eventually pulled you down with me. _

_ You are my everything and it tears me apart to have to live without you from now on, but this is not my life to live, so I’m setting you free. This is what you always wanted and now you can have it without me holding you back. Follow your dreams, ‘rick. I’m so proud of you. I always knew you and the guys would get big one day, you are so fucking talented. _

_ Please don’t try to contact me, I will not respond. It’s only for the best. I’m so sorry, but you have to understand that I just love you too much to let you drop everything for me and give up your dreams. _

_ I know you would drop everything in a heartbeat for me. That’s why I have to leave. You don’t need me. I just couldn’t live with myself if you had to give up anything for me. This is too important for you. It’s more important than me. _

_ Please don’t let yourself getting pulled down by this. You will move on, you just have to give it time. And then you’ll find someone who can give you what you need and you’ll be happy, without me, as if I never existed. It’s for the best. _

__

_ I love you so much, Trick. _

_ Jess _


	3. Well, Shit

** December 2008 **

 

„Well, shit.“, I mumbled to myself as I walked out of the clinic, the news I just received making me want to throw up. Again. I didn’t do much else for the last month. I felt myself panicking as I slowly understood what just happened. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t do this on my own. How was I supposed to provide for a kid? I could barely provide for myself with my minimum wage job as a waitress.

I had gotten that job at a small diner first thing when I came back to Chicago three months ago. It would be an understatement to say my dad was surprised when I stood on his doorstep, but of course he took me back in. I didn’t want to be a burden to him so I got that job and moved into my own little apartment. The apartment was shitty to be honest, but I could afford it and I had my own space.

Patrick tried calling me at least four to five times a day at the beginning, but I never answered. I never called back, either. As the weeks passed his calls got less and less frequent. I knew he was going to stop eventually. I thought that was a sign that he was moving on.

I couldn’t say the same about me. I was miserable without him. I didn’t only loose the love of my life, but I lost my best friend, too. I knew if his calls wouldn’t have gotten less and less over the weeks, I would’ve answered eventually. I couldn’t allow myself to do that, I had to stay strong. For him. He was going to understand in the end.

I was sitting on the curb in front of the clinic, holding my head in my hands. I had started getting sick a few weeks ago. At first I had dismissed it as a stomach bug, but then I noticed I hadn’t had my period since I left L.A., so I went to the doctor and here I was, pregnant and desperately trying to figure out what to do. I knew an abortion was completely out of question for me, I couldn’t bring myself to kill Patrick’s child.

Telling Patrick was out of the question, too. I was planning on never seeing him again, I even barely talked to Pete in the last three months. I wanted a clean cut. I couldn’t tell him. A kid would make him drop everything in L.A. in a heartbeat, that was exactly why I left, so he didn’t have to give up his dreams for me.

My life was difficult enough, adding a kid to the mix was going to make things a thousand times harder. But I was determined to get through this. I could do this. I had to, there was no other way. So I did the only thing I came to think of in that moment.

„Hey, little Wentz. Long time no see, or hear for that matter. What’s up?“, Pete said in his usual cheery tone when he picked up the phone.

„Hi Pete.“, I said, surprising myself with how defeated I sounded.

„What’s wrong, Jess?“, Pete asked, suddenly very concerned.

„I-i...I am...I-“, I tried swallowing the lump in my throat, but it was of no use as I felt hot tears starting to flow down my cheeks, a heartwrenching sob escaping my lips.

„Y-you have t-to come home. I-i need you here.“, I managed to stutter out.

„Jess, I can’t. We just dropped the new record and we have to-“

„I’m pregnant, Pete.“

There was a long silence on Pete’s side of the line.

„P-Pete?“, I stuttered quietly. I heard him taking a deep breath.

„Is it Patrick’s?“

„What do you think?! He still is the only man I have ever slept with!“, I snapped, suddenly getting frustrated at him for even thinking about me giving myself to another man so shortly after I lost mine.

„That’s not what I meant, Jess. Of course it’s his’, I’m sorry.“, he said quietly, making me feel bad about how I was acting.

„No, I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I guess you can blame that on the hormones by now.“, I sighed.

„I’m coming home, Jess. I’m taking the next possible flight.“

„What about the record?“

„I don’t care about the fucking record! If my baby sister needs me, I’ll be there!“

„What about Ashlee? You guys just had a baby.“

„She’ll understand.“

„Okay, Pete.“, I sighed. 

„Oh, and please don’t tell the guys I called.“, I added quickly.

„What about Patrick? Doesn’t he deserve to know he’s going to be a daddy?“

„He’s not going to be a daddy.“

„What are you talking about, I thought he was-“

„Yes, he is the biological father, but he won’t be the dad. I’m doing this on my own.“

„Jessica, you-“

„Can we talk about this when you get here? Not over the phone?“

„Of ‘course, little Wentz. I gotta get going. See you soon. Love you.“

„Bye Pete, Love you, too.“, I said and ended the call.

                                                                                          ***

Pete arrived in Chicago the afternoon of the following day. I picked him up from the airport and drove us back to my apartment. Then I finally broke down, letting all the feelings I had bottled up over the last few months out. He comforted me by just being there. We talked until we fell asleep in the living room in the early morning hours. 

I told Pete that I regretted leaving Patrick and he told me it wasn’t too late for me to get him back, but the reason why I left was still the same and I still firmly believed that I did the right thing. Pete promised to support me during the pregnancy by being there for me if I needed him. I didn’t want any of his money. I wanted to do this on my own.

The next day we went to tell Dad about the baby. To my surprise he was not angry at all. He was very supportive and told me he would be there if I needed him, too. I think he was secretly happy he was going to be a grandfather. He loved Patrick like a son, but just like Pete, he respected my wish to keep him in the dark.

Over the months of my pregnancy, Pete visited at least once a month and sometimes even brought his wife Ashlee and their baby Bronx. It was a very welcome change to talk to another woman for once. The fact that she just had a baby on her own was very useful, because she provided me with a lot of advise for the pregnancy and eventually being a mother.

On the 15th May 2009, I finally gave birth to a little boy. Pete and Ashlee were there for the birth, supporting me. I named my son Maximillian Lewis Wentz and I loved him more than anything in the universe. I mean, how couldn’t I? He was the spitting image of his father. It reminded me that even though I couldn’t have Patrick, I still had our son, the result of our love.

Of course, my life took a complete turn and didn’t get any easier, but I had my family to support me. Max and I managed to get by quite well as time went on. I still worked as a waitress and tried to get roles on musicals or theater plays in Chicago, which wasn’t that easy. Many of the directors didn’t want to cast an single mom. They thought I might be unreliable, because of my kid. I still never regretted having him. He gave my life a purpose.

We didn’t have much, but we were happy. That was all that mattered for the time being. Max grew to be a healthy little boy. He was my whole world and I tried to give him everything I could. I don’t know if I would’ve managed so well without my little ray of sunshine. 

I always maintained close contact with Pete, he was my brother after all. I could tell that he was conflicted, because I had forbidden him to talk to Patrick about me and give him any information about my life, but he respected my wish and I was extremely grateful for that.

One day in late 2011, I took my son to one of the old record stores in town. I was surprised they still were open. Patrick and I used to hang out here a lot when we were teenagers. Max didn’t know who his father was exactly, but I had told him a lot about Patrick as a person and I liked to show him places around Chicago that we hung out at when we were young. Like that record store, for example.

My two and a half year old son managed to stumble over a CD he apparently didn’t want to leave without. I guess the cover interested him, so I bought it for him without really looking at it. Back in the car, Max wanted me to put his new CD on, so I got it out of the bag and that’s when I realized what exactly I just bought.

On the cover of the CD was a slender blonde man wearing a suit and standing in between yellow rectangular objects. Above the man there was a name printed in big white letters.  _ Patrick Stump. _ He changed a lot since I last saw him. That’s probably why I didn’t recognize him right away, but I just had bought  _ his _ first solo album. My breath hitched and I felt my throat getting tight. Only when Max got impatient and began to whine in the backseat, I swallowed hard and regained my composture, quickly pushing the CD into the car radio.

To be honest, it was weird to hear his voice again after such a long time. He sounded so different from the music he did with Fall Out Boy, but he sounded like him. Max instantly loved the record and we started hearing it in the car ever since then. I even went to one of Patrick’s shows in Chicago, careful so that he didn’t see me. I got to watch him do what he loved again after three years. It was a bit weird, but I was so fucking proud of him nevertheless. I never saw him so confident before which showed me that leaving him had been the right decision.

I didn’t hear from him through the media for a long time after his solo tour. According to Pete, Patrick withdrew himself out of the public and cocentrated on producing. Pete was surprised when I asked him about Patrick so I told him about the incident with the CD. He found it hilarious, called it even destiny that Max chose his fathers’ record out of all the records the store sold. I told him that was nonsense and that Max was just a normal toddler, easily distracted by colours and shapes.

Seeing Patrick again shook me up a bit, but I didn’t let it get the best of me. I couldn’t let something like that pull me down again. I had to pull through. For Max and for myself. And I did pretty well, at least that’s what I thought.


	4. When The Past Comes For You

** January 2013 **

****

Groaning loudly, I rolled over to shut off the alarm of my cell phone. Opening my eyes I noticed the annoying noise was in fact not my alarm, but a call from my babysitter. She was supposed to watch Max today, because I had an important audition for a big role. This could be my chance to finally get out of my shitty job and this shitty apartment.

„April? Is everything okay?“, I answered the phone. She never called unless it was an emergency.

„Good morning, Jess.“, she said, her voice hoarse. _ Oh no _ .

„I’m so sorry, but I have to call in sick today. I don’t want to infect you or Max. I hope that’s alright with you.“, she explained.  _ Fuck _ !

„Of course, April, I’m sorry to hear that. It’s no problem, I’ll find someone to watch Max for me today.“  _ Shit, shit, shit! _

„Oh, thank god, you’re the best. Goodbye!“

„Goodbye April, get well soon!“

I needed to find someone to watch Max as fast as possible. I couldn’t miss the audition. My dad was on vacation with his girlfriend and I didn’t really trust any of my friends to watch over my almost four year old son. Luckily Pete was in town this weekend, I just needed to check if he had time to watch another kid on such a short term, so I texted him.

_ \- ‘Can you watch Max today? My babysitter is sick and I have an audition.’ _

My brother had always been pretty quick with answering his texts, so I got his answer while I was in the shower.

  
_ \- ‘Always in the mood for spending time with my favourite nephew! Bronx is with me this weekend, too. Bring Max over at noon. _ ’

__

_ \- ‘Thanks Pete! See you at noon, love you!’ _

__

_ \- ‘Love you, too.’ _

__

Relieved, I made my way down the hall to wake up Max. It was a saturday, so he didn’t go to kindergarten like he did on weekdays. That’s why I needed someone to take care of him today. I woke up my son and helped him getting dressed, making us breakfast after that.

 

After doing the dishes, I let Max play with his legos in the living room while I went to my bedroom to put on a bit of light makeup and find a nice dress to wear for the audition. I decided on a black knee-length dress with short, shoulder-covering sleeves and a pair of black heels. I pulled a little amount of my ginger hair back with a clipper so it wouldn’t fall into my eyes.

Running a bit late, I quickly grabbed my bag and my son and darted out of the apartment complex and to my run down car. After strapping Max in the backseat I got in the driver’s seat and started driving in the direction of Pete’s house in Wilmette.

 

***

 

 

„Hey, little Wentz.“, Pete said when he wrapped me in a bear hug, having opened the door only seconds after I rang the doorbell.

„Ugh, what did you do, wait behind that door until I rang?“, I teased, making him chuckle.

„Where’s Bronx?“, I asked after Pete released me from his arms. Usually Bronx would greet us at the door with his father.

„He’s in the living room with a friend of mine.“, he explained.

„Oh, okay, whatever. I gotta get going. I’m sorry, but I’m already running late a bit. I’ll be back around 4.“, I said and kneeled down to give Max a kiss goodbye.

„No problem. Good luck, Jess.“, Pete said, kissing me on the cheek and lifting Max up in his arms after that.

„Thank you, Pete. I need every bit of luck.“

„You don’t. You have your talent. Now go, before you are late for your audition. You’re gonna slay them, I know it!“

„That’s really nice to say, Pete, but I think I’m still gonna take the luck. See you later!“, I chuckled.

„Bye, Jess-Jess!“, he called and carried my son into his house, closing the door after them.

 

 

***

The audition went by pretty well. I miraculously was on time and seemingly had a good day, delivering a good performance. They said they were going to call in a few weeks to let me know if I got a callback. It was only 3 p.m., so I decided to drop by Pete’s earlier and spend a little time with my brother.

This time the door didn’t open right away when I rang the doorbell.

„Jess? You’re early. Was it bad?“, Pete asked when he finally opened the door, clearly out of breath.

„No, it actually went by pretty good. They were just finished early so I decided to spend some time with my favourite brother and nephew. What’s the matter with you? Are the boys chasing you around the house or why are you so out of breath?“, I chuckled and pushed myself past my brother and into his house.

„We were just playing in the garden! Wait, Jess, I don’t think this is a good idea!“, Pete tried to stop me, but I ignored him. I didn’t know why he acted so strange, he never had a problem with me just showing up. I walked down the hall, my heels clicking on the marble floor. I assumed the kids were still outside, so I walked into the living room from where you could reach Pete's giant garden through the backdoor.

„Wait, Jess!“, Pete called and grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

„What the fuck is wrong with you, Peter?!“, I snapped.

„I-I’m sorry, I just don’t think you should walk out there.“

„What? Why? Did you allow Max to eat a shit ton of sweets again?!“

„No! No, don’t worry Jess, that was a one time thing!“, he tried to defend himself.

„Then what is your problem?“, I asked, getting more irritated as the seconds ticked by.

„I maybe...kinda...have company.“, he admitted quietly, avoiding my gaze.

„Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz, are you telling me you’re cheating on Meagan?!“, I snapped again, sharply poking his chest with my index finger.

„What?! No! I would never do that, it’s just-“

„Jess?“, he suddenly was cut off by a soft voice behind me, a voice I thought I would never hear again. That is, if you don’t count the CD still playing in my car radio every day. I froze, staring at my brother like a deer in headlights with him staring right back.

„Jessica, please say something.“, Patrick pleaded, his voice trembling.

I shook myself out of my frozen state and took a deep breath while glaring at my brother.

„Patrick, long time no see.“, I squeaked, turning around and facing my former lover who looked like he had seen a ghost.

„Fuck.“, I heard Pete whisper behind me. I plastered a fake smile on my face and took a small step in Patrick’s direction.

„I didn’t know you were back in Chicago.“, I said.

„I actually live in Glenview again since Fall Out Boy went on hiatus three years ago. I didn’t know you lived here, I thought you were in New York, living your dream or something.“

„Yeah, that was the plan, but then I got pregnant so I actually never got around doing that. I assume you met my son?“, I asked with a sideways glare at Pete.

„Yeah, I did. Pete told me he had the kid of a  _ friend _ over for the afternoon.“, he said sheepishly, briefly pulling his fedora off of his head and running a hand through his hair. A nervous habit of him. He changed a lot on the outside, but on the inside I knew he still was my Patrick, except he wasn’t  _ my _ Patrick anymore.

„How are you, Patrick?“, I quickly changed the subject, not wanting to talk to him about his son, even though he didn’t know that Max indeed was  _ his _ .

„I’m good. Busy. I’ve got a lot going on at the moment, with the band coming off hiatus next month and the new record dropping in April. What about you?“

„I’m good. Max and I are good. We live in a little apartment in the city.“

„That’s...good to hear, I guess.“

„Guys.“, Pete sighed, not being able to endure any more of the tension thickening the air.

„I think you should go talk in the kitchen. I’m gonna go watch the kids.“, he said.

„We are talking, Peter.“, I said through gritted tears.

„No, Jessica. What you are doing is awkward small talk. I can’t stand the atmosphere anymore. Go talk about the elephant in the room and I mean really _talk_!“, Pete said, giving me his parent look. A look that told me to back down and do as he said.

„Fine!“, I groaned and turned on my heels, walking into the kitchen with my hips swaying a little more than normally due to my high heels. I felt Patrick’s gaze on my bare legs and turned around to glare at him.

„Would you stop staring and follow me, please?“, I called, without being able to suppress the smirk that formed on my lips.

„I-I wasn’t staring!“, he stuttered, a blush creeping up his neck.

„Of course you weren’t.“, I said sarcastically, but smiled to let him know I wasn’t mad. He chuckled and shuffled after me, a relieved look in his eyes.

We made our way into Pete’s kitchen and Patrick closed the door behind us while Pete went outside to watch Bronx and Max. I took a deep breath and leaned my back against the counter, Patrick doing the same half a meter to my right. We were silent for the longest few minutes of my life, no one really knowing how to start the conversation. After all, none of us was present voluntarily, but Pete kind of seemed to have made it his mission to get us to talk again.

„So, you have a kid now?“, Patrick asked awkwardly, trying to act nonchalant.

„Obviously.“, I shot back with a hint of sarcasm lacing my voice.

„How old is he?“, he asked, completely ignoring my attempt on avoiding the conversation about my son.

„He turns four in May, but I don’t...“

„Is he my son?“, he suddenly blurted, successfully cutting me off.  _ Shit. _

„W-what?“

„You heard me, Jessica. I’m not fucking dumb, I-I can do the math. He must’ve been  _ conceived  _ around the time you left me. Maybe a little before that. I-Is Max my son?“

„I don’t know what you’re talking about, Patrick.“, I said, avoiding his gaze. I was not sure if I wanted him to know so I tried to win time.

„Look at me, Jessica.“, he said, his voice somehow gaining authority.

„Don’t call me that!“, I snapped back.

„I’m sorry.“, he sighed. „Jess, please tell me the truth, do I have a son?“, he begged in defeat.

„I think you know the answer. You saw him, he looks exactly like his father.“

„I want to hear it from you.“

I took a deep breath before answering him.

„Yes, Patrick. You are Max’ father.“

Patrick released a breath he didn’t seem to have noticed he was holding.

„Why didn’t you call me when you found out you were pregnant? I could’ve supported you.“

„Because I know you, Patrick. You would’ve dropped everything for us. That’s exactly why I left. I couldn’t let you do that. You are so fucking talented, I couldn’t let you waste any of that just because of a little accident. I didn’t want you to have to worry about us. We may not have much, but we’re happy. I didn’t want your money then and I still don’t want it now. You don’t have to have to pay for something you are not responsible for.“

„It always takes two, Jess. Of course I would’ve dropped everything for you, you are my family. What do you think I-“

„Can we not talk about this now, please?“, I interrupted him.

„We just saw each other again after four and a half years apart, I only can handle a limited amount of emotional rollercoaster for today.“

„Yes, of course, I’m sorry, this is just a lot at once.“, he sighed, keeping quiet after that. An awkward silence followed between us. Both of us nervously fidgeting, not sure what to say.

„So you weren’t with other men?“, he suddenly blurted.

„Not that it does concern you, but just for the record, no I weren’t. I tried dating a few guys, but I never found someone suitable to get serious with. What about you?“

„No, nothing serious either.“, he sighed, followed by awkward silence again. I sighed. It was never like that betweeen us, even before we started dating we always had been able to freely talk to each other.

„Just please, don’t become a stranger again. We live in the same city and I want to be a part of Max’ life. I want to see you again. Would you let me?“, Patrick asked, shyly avoiding my gaze.

„I think Max would be ecstatic to meet his dad. He recently began to ask a lot about you.“, I smiled, receiving Patrick’s signature smile back.  _ How I missed that smile. _

„Anyway, we have to go now. I’ll call you. Goodbye, Patrick.“, I said, turning to leave Pete’s kitchen.

„Wait!“, he blurted, making me turn to him again, my eyebrows raised in question.

„Thank you, Jess. C-can I get a hug?“, he breathed, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

„Of course, ‘Trick.“, I said without noticing that I used his old nickname for the first time in years. Patrick took a deep breath and pulled me into his arms. I could tell this took a lot of courage for him, he might’ve changed in his appearance, but deep inside he was still the same shy boy I met in High School. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and relaxed against his warm body.  _ He felt like home. _

„I missed you.“, he whispered.

„I missed you, too.“, I answered quietly, suppressing the urge to reach up and run my fingers through his hair and instead opting for detaching myself from him before the hug could get too long to be a friendly gesture.

„I really have to got now, ‘Trick. I’ll call you tomorrow.“, I said, once again turning for the door.

„Of course, I’ll be waiting. Goodbye, Jess.“, he said, standing in the middle of Pete’s kitchen and smiling like an idiot. I smiled and waved, then left the room to get my son and say goodbye to Pete and Bronx, keeping it a secret that we actually did not talk about what I was sure he wanted us to talk about, namely me leaving Patrick.

 

***

That night I lay in bed, not being able to fall asleep. The day had been way more eventful than I had expected when I woke up that morning. Thinking about the day’s events, I had to admit that I kind of looked forward to seeing Patrick again. Maybe it wouldn’t be so wrong to let him be a part of Max’ life, he always wanted to be a dad after all. Sighing, I grabbed my phone off of the nightstand and opened a new message. I contemplated texting him, briefly worrying that it might be too soon. The last thing I wantet was to seem desperate. Eventually coming to the conclusion that he wouldn’t mind, I started typing.

\-  _ ‘I enjoyed talking to you today. I really didn’t expect to be that relieved about you knowing about Max. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. - J’ _

__

Hitting send, I turned on my side and finally started drifting off, but just before sleep could capture me, I was startled awake by my phone vibrating. Groaning, I unlocked it and saw I had a new message from the newest addition in my contacts. With a strange tingle in my belly, I opened it.

\-  _ ‘I enjoyed seeing you, too, after I got over the initial shock. Thank you for giving me the chance to be a part of Max’ life, I promise I’ll try my best to make things right. I’m not mad about you not telling me about him, I actually understand your point. I really look forward to seeing you again. - P’ _

Not being able to suppress the stupid smile that formed on my lips, I quickly typed a reply.

_ \- ’I look forward to that, too. I’ll call you tomorrow around midday if that’s alright. - J’ _

I didn’t even have time to put my phone back on my nightstand when my phone vibrated in my hand again with his answer.

__

_ \- ‘That’s more than alright, Sweetheart. Goodnight, sleep well. - P’ _

My breath hitched at the nickname. He liked to call me that when we were still together. Was he getting comfortable with me again or did he just slip up? A warm feeling spread from my belly through my whole body. Weird. Shouldn’t I be repulsed? Shutting off that kind of thoughts I replied to him and turned on my side, finally being able to fall into a peaceful slumber.

_ \- ‘You too. Goodnight, ‘Trick. - J’ _

 

 

_  *** _

__

 

Pete lay in his bed, halfway through another sleepless night due to his insomnia. He did a lot of thinking since Patrick left that evening. He was tired of just staying out of his sister’s and best friend’s business, he was tired of seeing them both miserable, not being able to make them better. Over the years he had to offer comfort to both of them equally. Jess did a good job of concealing her misery, she was an actress after all, but she was also Pete’s sister and he could see right through her facade.

Patrick never was the same again after he lost her, he was a shadow of the man he used to be. Pete’s little sister unintentionally broke him while trying to protect him. However, today Pete had seen how his best friend’s eyes lit up when he had seen her, he had seen the first genuine smile on his best friend’s face since that horrific morning in 2008 when Pete got a call from him, just barely understanding what he was saying through Patrick’s heart-wrenching sobs.

 

Pete was determined to bring back together what belonged together, even if he had to lock them up in a room until they tore each other’s clothes off. He was not about to watch them hurting any longer. They were his family and if they both were too fucking blind to see they belonged together, he was ready to make them see.

Pete startled when his phone unexpectedly vibrated where it rested on his chest. Who the fuck was even awake to message him at this ungodly hour? Unlocking his phone, he saw a new message from his best friend.

_ \- ‘I’m gonna get her back, Pete.’ _

__

Chuckling to himself, Pete quickly replied.

_ \- ‘So you finally admit you still love her? I knew it! You need any help with that, Lunchbox?’ _

In a matter of seconds his phone vibrated again. Patrick seemingly typed with the speed of light.

_ \- ‘I think I can do this on my own. I’ll probably take you up on that offer, though. She’s the love of my life Pete, I can’t lose her. I just found her again.’ _

Pete’s chuckle grew into a full blown laugh, his eyes crinkling with joy. Maybe he didn’t have to lock them up.  _ Destiny always finds it’s way _ , he thought when he texted back.

_ \- ‘You have my full support and blessing.’ _

Again, he had Patrick’s answer in a matter of seconds.

_ \- ‘Do you think she’ll take me back?’ _

Pete’s laugh increased even more in volume as he answered, successfully shutting Patrick off to not let his insecurities get the best of him once again.

_ \- ‘Go to sleep, Stump!’ _

__

„Daddy?“, he suddenly heard the voice of his own son.

„Daddy, why are you laughing so loud?“, Bronx asked quietly, standing in the doorway of Pete’s bedroom with his blanket clutched tightly in his arms.

„Oh, hey Buddy. Did I wake you up? I’m so sorry. C’mere, you can sleep here in bed with me.“, he said, sitting up and letting his son climb into his arms.

 


	5. Almost Like A Family

As promised, I called Patrick the following day at noon. It was a cold, but sunny Sunday and we agreed to meet at the park in my neighborhood at three, so Max could eat lunch and nap before the meeting. We would find something for dinner after the park. I woke my son up at two in the afternoon, packed a few drinks and snacks for the park and dressed him and myself in our warm winter coats, it was January after all. In addition, I put Max’ blue and black striped knit hat, the one my dad’s girlfriend knitted for him, over his strawberry blonde locks to keep his ears from freezing off.

The park wasn’t far away from our apartment complex, so we walked there. I felt myself getting more nervous the closer we got to the park. How would Max react when I introduced Patrick to him as his father? He knew Patrick as his uncle’s friend, would he even understand what we were about to tell him?

Patrick was already waiting at the entrance when Max and I arrived. I noticed him immediately when he got in my line of sight, but he didn’t see us right away, seeming deep in thought as he nervously shuffled from feet to feet.

„Hey Daydreamer!“, I called when we were just a few metres away and he still hadn’t noticed us. He jumped and looked at me with wide eyes, a bright smile forming on his face when he realized who was standing directly in front of him.

„Welcome back to reality.“, I laughed and he chuckled and blushed lightly.

„Good afternoon, Milady. How does a tour around my wonderful castle garden sound for thee?“, Patrick asked, gesturing for the park with one hand and holding the other arm out for me to take.

„That sounds marvelous, kind sir.“, I chuckled, playing along and taking his arm with the one that wasn’t holding Max’ hand.

„Mommy, why is Uncle Pete’s friend here with us?“, Max asked, tugging at my coat.

„Well, Maxie, Patrick and I have to tell you something very important.“

„What is it, Mommy? Is it a secret?“, he whispered, looking up at us in amazement.

„Patience Buddy, you’re going to find out as soon as we found a suitable place to sit. What about that bench over there?“, Patrick said and gestured to one of the benches near the playground that weren’t occupied.

I nodded my approval and Patrick, without asking, took my backpack from me and hoisted it over one shoulder before marching over to the bench, Max and I trailing not far behind.

Patrick sat the backpack down on the bench and gestured for us to sit down, sitting down on Max’ other side, so we had our son sitting between us.

„Do I get to know now?“, Max asked.

„Yes, Honey, we’re about to tell you.“, I said softly, reaching up and adjusting his hat a bit.

„You know what I told you about your father, right?“, I asked and Max nodded, big eyes staring up at me.

„You said he was the best thing that ever happened to you and-“

„Yes baby, I said that, because it’s true. Your father is one of a kind of a man.“, I cut him off before he could embarrass me any further, briefly glancing at Patrick who stared right back.

„Why is uncle Pete’s friend here?“, Max asked, now staring at his father.

„That’s what your mom is trying to tell you, how about you let her finish, Buddy?“, Patrick chuckled softly.

„Okay, uncle Pete’s friend.“, Max grinned up at his father.

„Who is he, Mommy?“, he asked, turning his gaze back to me. I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

„Max, this is your father.“, I said, briefly closing my eyes and letting out a sigh of relieve. Max’ eyes doubled in size, nearly popping out of his skull.

„You’re my dad?“, he asked, blue-green eyes transfixed on his father’s identical pair of blue-green orbs, completely mesmerized by the man sitting in front of him.

„I am indeed. The name’s Patrick, but you can call me whatever you want.“, Patrick gently smiled down at his mini-me.

„I think I’m gonna call you Daddy, ‘cause that’s what you are.“, Max stated matter of factly.

„You can do that, if it’s okay with your mom.“, Patrick said, father and son looking up at me with the same hopeful look on their faces.

„Of course, Maxie.“, I said, smiling happily.

„Daddy?“, Max asked, testing the word on his tongue and turning his attention back to Patrick.

„Yes, Buddy?“, Patrick answered, seeming to get used to being a dad pretty fast.

„Can I hug you?“, Max asked. Patrick questioningly looked at me, clearly not having expected that and I nodded.

„Of course you can.“, Patrick smiled and opened his arms for his son to climb in, father and son hugging for the first time in their life.

„I wanna go play now.“, Max stated after detaching himself from Patrick.

„Go on, Honey. We’ll be right here.“, I said, gently pushing him in the playground’s direction, watching him with a bright smile plastered on my face as he made his way over to the sandpit where other children were already playing in the dirt.

„That went surprisingly well. I was worried sick about how he would take it, to be honest.“, I said, sighing in relief.

„Yeah, me too. I just hope I don’t dissapoint him.“, Patrick said, hanging his head a bit.

„Where is that coming from, ‘Trick? Why would you dissappoint him? He already loves you, I can tell. He normally isn’t that open with other people besides family.“, I tried to reassure him, gently laying a hand on his shoulder.

„Yeah, you’re probably right.“, Patrick smiled and gently squeezed my hand with his, a comfortable silence ensueing between us.

„Can I ask you something?“, Patrick broke the silence after a few minutes.

„Shoot.“, I said.

„Why did you leave me?“

„Patrick, please don’t make this harder than it already is.“, I pleaded softly, not really wanting to talk about that at the moment.

„How am I making this harder? Damn it, Jess, I want answers! You just left me completely out of the blue and I had no clue what I did wrong to make you leave me like that! Why didn’t you talk to me? You didn’t even give me the chance to fix it!“, he said, his voice raising a bit in volume.

„There was nothing to fix! I explained everything in the letter!“, I snapped back.

„That letter is so full of bullshit and you know that, Jess.“, Patrick said, chuckling bitterly.

„I just wanted it for you to be like I never existed.“, I murmured quietly, avoiding his gaze.

„And how was I supposed to do that? Just forget about you? You were my everything, Jess. It was just not possible for me to pretend like you never existed. I’ve loved you so fucking much, I would’ve dropped everything for you.“

„And that’s exactly why I didn’t talk to you, ‘Trick. I didn’t want you to give up on your dreams for me. You would’ve regretted it and in the end you might’ve even blamed me for not achieving what you achieved now that I wasn’t there to hold you back. I could just not live with that. It was for the best.“

  
„But it was not! Yes, I wanted to be a musician and I was very happy with what I did then, but that wasn’t as important to me as you were. I would’ve dropped everything in a heartbeat and happily followed you wherever our life would’ve taken us. I was sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with you by my side, Jessica.“

„Patrick, you were so busy with your music, you didn’t even notice how unhappy I was and I don’t blame you for that. You were living your dream and I was just the metaphorical hand brake slowing you down.“, I tried to get him to understand, standing up and starting to pace in front of him.

„You were nowhere near a hand brake, Jess. You kept me grounded. I should’ve noticed sooner that something wasn’t right and when I did, I thought you would come around and talk to me when you were ready. I really didn’t foresee waking up with you being gone. I thought I lost you forever, I was so fucking miserable without you. And now we have a kid together?! I really didn’t see that coming.“, he ranted, standing up and reaching out to hold me by the shoulders, effectively stopping my pacing.

„As much as I missed you, ‘Trick, this does not mean we’re getting back together. I don’t want you to get hurt again, so don’t get your hopes up. I think at first we should try to be friends again, for Max.“, I tried to slow him down a bit. He was moving a bit too fast for my liking and I was not ready for that.

 

„You completely shattered my heart when you left, I don’t think it’s possible for me to get hurt even more, but I understand your point and I forgive you. Even if I disagree, I understand why you thought you had to leave. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have given you a reason for thinking that. I’m just glad you let me take part in Max’ life and I promise I’ll try my best to be a good father to him. And a good friend to you. Although, that doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying to get you to go out with me again.“, he said, a crooked grin grazing his lips.   


„First of all, stop apologizing, ‘Trick. You didn’t do anything wrong. Actually it was quite the opposite, you made me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world, the circumstances where what made me make the decision to leave. And second, I never told you to stop trying.“, I said, winking at him and returning his grin.

„I’m glad that we’re on the same page.“, he chuckled.

„Me, too.“, I grinned back.

After that, we fell in a comfortable conversation about the upcoming Fall Out Boy record and the musical I recently auditioned for, just catching up. It was nice to know we could still talk like that to each other, like old times. At some point, Max beckoned us over and asked us to play with him, so Patrick pushed him on the swing and I took a few pictures with my phone for a while until it was time for us to pack up and find some place for dinner.

 

We found a nice little Italian restaurant just down the street and Patrick insisted on paying for everyone’s food. While eating, we held up a casual conversation, joking and laughing around here and there. I felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long time, forgetting about my problems for the time being and almost feeling like we were a real family.

The day ended way too fast for my liking and before I knew it, I was lying in bed again, staring at my phone and contemplating texting Patrick. He had brought us home after dinner and had hugged us both goodbye with the promise of meeting again in the following days. Just when I was reaching for my phone to text him, it vibrated, indicating that I had gotten a text myself. Unlocking my phone I saw that the new message was from Patrick.

_ \- ‘I had a lot of fun today. Looking forward to see you again.’ _

__

I smiled, feeling my heartbeat pick up a tad as I quickly texted back.

_ \- ‘Me, too. I’m so happy Max took the news so well.’ _

Not even a minute after hitting send, I had his answer, replying back to him right away.

_ \- ‘Words can never say how relieved I am. He’s a great boy, you did a good job with him, Jess. Can I call you tomorrow to make plans?’ _

__

_ \- ‘Is there someone eager, Mr. Stump?^^ I have work tomorrow, but I’m free at three, so you can call me then. Goodnight, ‘Trick. xx’ _

__

I didn’t even notice the little kisses I had added until it was too late. Slightly panicking, I waited for his answer which took him a bit longer than usual.

_ \- ‘Maybe I am.^^ Talk to you tommorrow. Goodnight, Sweetheart. xx’ _

__

Relieved, I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Smiling at the screen, I contemplated texting him something back, just to talk to him for a little while longer, but nothing good came to my mind and I didn’t want to seem desperate, so I put my phone on the nightstand and turned on my side, slipping into a peaceful slumber.


	6. The Perks Of Parenting

In the following weeks Max and I met up with Patrick at least three to four times a week. Max liked him a lot, always telling him about his day to day adventures. He always asked about Patrick on the days we didn’t see him, too. Patrick quickly got used to his new role as a dad. He did a wonderful job with Max, even though he still was a bit unsure in his actions sometimes, but that was what I was there for. I helped him through everything and he learned quickly.

By the beginning of the third week, Patrick even took Max out on little trips alone when I had to work on the weekend. On saturday he took him to the playground at the park again and on sunday they went to the zoo. Max always was thrilled when they came back, excitedly telling me about his day. I knew I could trust Patrick alone with our son by then.

 

„Remember, no sweets after 5 pm, otherwise he won’t sleep when you put him to bed at 8 and don’t forget Elliott, his stuffed dog, he needs him to sleep. Oh, and he can choose if he wants the lullaby or the bedtime story first.“, I ranted on as I tried to postpone leaving my son alone with his father for the night. It was sunday afternoon and I had to work a late shift at the diner, so Patrick would have Max for the night. I didn’t want to drag him out of bed to take him back home after my shift, so he would sleep at Patrick’s house and Patrick would take him to kindergarten the next day.

„Jess, calm down. I can handle it, it’s just one night.“, Patrick chuckled, causing me to smile warmly at him.

„I know that, Patrick. I’m just nervous, after all this is the first night we’re spending apart since he was born.“, I said softly.

„Don’t worry, we’re gonna have a blast and if something’s up, I’ll call you right away.“, he smiled reassuringly.

„Okay, Trick. I’m gonna get going or I won’t be able to tear myself away from you two.“, I chuckled and kneeled down, wrapping my son in a big hug.

„Sleep well, Baby. I love you to the moon and back.“, I murmured, nuzzling my nose into his strawberry blonde locks.

„I love you too, Mommy.“

„I’m gonna come and get you tomorrow afternoon, okay? Behave and listen to Daddy.“, I told him when I released him.

„I will, Mommy.“, he promised.

„Good boy.“, I smiled, ruffling his hair one last time and standing back up.

„I’ll be here around four tomorrow afternoon to get him. If something,  _ anything _ , is up, just call me and I’ll be there.“, I told Patrick for the at least third time.

„Go to work, Jess. We’ll be fine.“, he chuckled.

„Yes, I know. I’m sorry. Goodbye, Trick. See you tomorrow.“, I chuckled back, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

„See you tomorrow.“, he mumbled, a light pink blush dusting his cheeks. I smiled back at the two of them one last time and turned around, walking out the door of Patrick’s huge suburban house and getting in my car.

 ***

My shift at the diner went by fairly uneventful, the seconds ticking by feeling like hours. To my luck, Diane, my colleague who took over the night shift after mine, arrived half an hour early and told me I could go home. After changing out of my uniform in the back room, I packed up my stuff and walked out of the back door. Checking my phone, I noticed it was only half past eleven and I also had three missed calls from Patrick, the last one from three minutes ago.  _ How could I have missed that? _ He must’ve called when I was changing.

With trembling hands, I hit call, waiting anxiously for Patrick to pick up.  _ What could’ve possibly gone wrong? _

„Hi, Jess.“, he answered, sounding pretty much out of breath.

„What’s wrong, why did you call? Is something with Max? Is he hurt?“, I bormbarded him with questions, my voice trembling and my panic rising.

„Don’t panic, he’s alright. It’s just... _ this is so embarassing _ ...I can’t get him back to sleep.“, Patrick mumbled. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

„Do you want me to come over?“

„I don’t know, I thought maybe you knew what to do. He was asleep until ten, then he woke up and is refusing to go back to sleep now.“

„Don’t worry, I’m coming, I was released early. We might be able to get him back to sleep together.“

„Thank you, Jess.“, he breathed, clearly relieved.

„I’m on my way.“, I said and hung up, getting in my car and driving to Patrick’s as fast as I could without breaking too many speed limits.

When I arrived at Patrick’s house, he opened the door even before I could ring the doorbell. He pulled me in for a quick hug, looking a bit exhausted, and thanked me for coming to his aid. Together, we were finally able to get Max to go back to bed, but he didn’t want to sleep right away.

„Come on, Maxie. You promised you would listen to your dad.“, I tried persuading him.

„I’m listening, I’m just not tired.“, he said matter of factly, making me groan internally.

„Maybe I’m willing to engage in a deal.“, he added, crossing his arms.

„And what would that be?“, Patrick asked, only barely successful in not bursting out in laughter. I had to admit, it was quite hilarious. I sighed. That boy was far too intelligent for his own good.

„I want another bedtime story.“

„And then you’ll go to sleep?“, I asked hopefully.

„I promise.“, he said, staring up at me with determination in his eyes.

„All right, which one do you want to hear?“, Patrick asked, shuffling over to his small collection of children’s books.

„No. Not from a book.“, Max whined.

„I want you to think of a story.“, he said, making Patrick stop in his tracks and stare wide-eyed at his son.

„I guess you have to use your imagination then, Trick.“, I chuckled and he playfully glared at me.

„All right then, make yourselves comfortable, here comes the best story you’ll ever hear.“, Patrick announced and sat in the chair next to Max’ bed while I tucked my son under the covers and sat cross-legged on the bed beside him, facing Patrick. He took a deep breath and started his story.

„Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named...“, he paused, deep in thought for a brief moment. „Jenn. Her name was Jenn. She fell in love with a guy named...Tuck. He was just an average guy, maybe even below that, and he couldn’t believe his luck to have the most beautiful princess in the kingdom, or even in the whole world, by his side, but she loved him regardless of what he was and he loved her back with everything he had. That was all that mattered for them.“, Patrick said, making his voice sound like that of a narrator in a children’s movie.

„But then Tuck made a mistake. He left the kingdom to go on adventures and expected the princess to follow him blindly. He took her for granted, even though he never deserved her in the first place. He kept himself busy and didn’t notice how the princess’ well-being got worse every day. She had given up her kingdom, her life and her dreams for him and he was too blind to realize he was slowly, but surely, extinguishíng her flame.“, Patrick continued, his smile slowly fading.

„But Princess Jenn loved Tuck and so she stayed by his side and supported him even though she was unhappy and felt neglected. One day, she finally couldn’t take it anymore and so she packed her stuff and left Tuck to go back to her kingdom and follow her own dreams. She felt guilty and selfish for leaving the man she loved behind, but she couldn’t see any other way out of her misery.“ Patrick’s eyes met mine for a brief moment, a remorseful look crossing his features. „Tuck was devastated when he found out she had left him, but it opened his eyes and he finally realized how unfair he had treated the princess. He didn’t know where she went and even if he knew, he probably wouldn’t have gone after her. He was ashamed of himself.

Years later, Tuck returns to the kingdom and runs into Princess Jenn by accident. She’s still hurt and doesn’t want him in her life at first, but Tuck doesn’t give up, because even though she left him years ago, he never stopped loving her. So he fights for her love and trust until this day. He is determined to get her back, because he is miserable without her. The princess is his everything, he needs her by his side and hopefully one day she’ll love him back again.“, Patrick finished his story in a hushed tone, trying not to wake Max, whose eyes had finally fallen shut.

Quietly, we stood up and started shuffling out of the room.

„Daddy?“, Max quietly called, making us both groan softly.

„Yes, Buddy?“, Patrick called back from the door.

„Are princess Jenn and Tuck going to get back together?“, Max asked.

„I don’t know, Maxie, that’s up to the princess. If she is willing to give Tuck another chance, she might take him back.“, Patrick said softly, his eyes flicking over to me for a second.

„I want them back together, Daddy.“, Max said matter of factly.

„Yeah, I want that, too.“, Patrick sighed, gently closing the door behind us after wishing Max a good night, We didn’t even get an answer, the little boy being on his way to dreamland once again. I trailed behind Patrick when he made his way into the living room, none of us saying a word. His story had shaken me up quite a bit. If I had understood him right, he just confessed he never stopped loving me. But what if he didn’t? What if his story was just that, _ a story _ ?

„You can stay here tonight, Jess. It’s gotten pretty late. I’ll show you the guest room later. Snacks and Ghostbusters?“, Patrick finally broke the silence, acting as if nothing happened.

„Snacks and Ghostbusters sounds perfect.“, I smiled, relieved that I didn’t have to talk to him about the elephant in the room.

„Alright, I’ll get the snacks, you put the movie on.“, he grinned, making a beeline for the kitchen while I made myself comfortable on his couch and turned on his huge flatscreen TV, switching to his netflix.

Halfway through the movie and a bottle of wine, I felt him shift beside me when he hesitantly wrapped his arm around my waist and gently pulled me into his side, my head resting on his shoulder. He tried to play it cool by acting like he was immsensely concentrated on the movie, but I knew him better. Blame it on me not thinking clearly due to the tiredness and maybe the alcohol, but I decided to mess with him a bit.

Trying to get a reaction out of him, I shifted a little more into him and started trailing light kisses along his collarbone and up his neck, the fact that he had the first few buttons of his shirt unbottened giving me unhindered access. His breath hitched slightly, but he didn’t react otherwise, so I turned it up a notch by slowly trailing my hand up his chest and cupping his cheek, turning his face so he would look at me.

„What are you doing, Jessica? I’m trying to watch the movie here.“, he murmured, voice a tad raspy.

„I’m trying to distract you.“, I stated matter of factly and swung one leg over his, pulling myself up so I was straddling his hips, my skirt riding up my hips. I just knew it was a good idea to wear that flowy skirt that reached to my mid-thigh today.

Patrick froze and stared at me, hesitantly reaching out with his hands, but pulling back again, unsure of what to do.

„Relax, Trick, it’s just me.“, I chuckled.

„Yeah, that’s kind of the point.“, he said sheepishly. Smiling reassuringly, I took his hands and positioned them at my hips, giving him my silent consent in touching me. That kind of flipped a switch, because suddenly he grabbed the back of my neck with one hand, tangling his hand in my hair, and pulled me to him until our lips connected in a passionate kiss, tasting and exploring again what they once knew blindly.

I couldn’t help it, but moan into the kiss when he pushed his tongue past my lips and started exploring my mouth once again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, slipping one hand into his hair which was way shorter now than it was the last time I did that, and tugging gently. I felt him shiver beneath me as he involuntarily jerked his hips up and broke the kiss to let out a low growl against my lips.

Tilting his chin up with one of my hands, I trailed soft kisses along his jaw and neck again while I slowly unbottened the rest of his shirt, making him close his eyes and sigh in anticipation. When I started grinding my hips into his slowly, he let out a strangled moan, his grip on my hips almost getting painful, fingertips digging into my skin over my shirt. I kissed him on the lips again and felt him twitch against my thigh, hard and ready beneath the confines of his black jeans.

Before I could trail my hands further down to unbuckle his belt, I felt his fingertips lightly graze my thigh when he ran his hand up my leg and under my skirt, finding me wet and aching for him in only a thin pair of lacy panties. He groaned and looked up at me with hooded eyes, kiss-swollen lips parted and breathing heavily. This was truly a sight to behold.

Suddenly I felt a sharp tug at my lower region and realized he had ripped the lacy material right off of me. Before I could yell at him for destroying my panties, he plunged two fingers inside me, rubbing my clit with his thumb and pumping them in and out of me at a steady pace. I yelped, not expecting him to be so forward, but quickly adjusted to the feeling of being filled again, soft moans tumbling from my lips.

I leaned forward to capture his lips in a kiss again, slowly trailing a hand down his chest and making quick work of his belt and zipper, reaching my hand into his boxers to free him of the annoying material. He threw his head back and stopped his ministrations on me, his lips falling open in a silent moan, eyes shut tightly.

I whined when he pulled his fingers out of me, suddenly feeling strangely empty. Licking his fingers clean, he stared deep into my eyes, humming happily to himself at the familiar taste and making my breath hitch. He slowly lifted his hips, pushing his jeans and boxers down just enough so they weren’t in the way. Tilting his head, he silently asked for reassurance and I leaned in and kissed him again, reassuring him that I wanted this as much as he wanted it.

Lifting myself up on my knees, I reached down and positioned him at my entrance, slowly sinking down on him, a quiet moan tumbling from my lips while he bit my shoulder to restrain himself from groaning loudly. There was a child sleeping upstairs after all.

Giving myself time to adjust to his size again, I slowly rocked against him a few times before raising my hips and bounncing down on his lap again. This time he was not able to restrain himself, an animalistic growl rising from deep within his chest. I connected our lips again to silence him and he finally raised his hands to my hips again to lift me up and push me back down on him, bouncing me effortlessly on his lap and thrusting upward, meeting my hips with his halfway of every thrust.

Adjusting his hips, he angled his thrusts up into me so that he hit my sweet spot rapidly, steadily building up the familiar coil that threatened to snap any second.

„I n-need you to let g-go, Sweetheart. I-I can’t hold on m-much longer.“, he grunted, reaching down and rubbing my clit with his thumb again. I moaned rather loudly, feeling myself racing towards my climax at his touch.

„Cum for me, Babe. Please.“, he pleaded, his thrust getting erratic as he shuddered, seconds away from spilling into me. That just about did it for me as the coil in my core snapped and I came with a high-pitched moan of his name, my walls clamping down on him. I felt him still right away as he shuddered and came deep inside me, my name tumbling from his lips.

We sat there for a long while, just holding each other in our post-orgasmic bliss, feeling completely spent and sated.

„Oh god, Patrick, what did we do?“, I gasped, realizing what exactly just happened when I slowly came back to my senses.

„Hmm?“, Patrick hummed, still in a bit of a daze.

„We shouldn’t have, this is so wrong.“, I said, slightly panicking.  
„It certainly didn’t feel wrong.“, Patrick chuckled.

„We had our chance, Trick. We screwed up.“, I tried to get him to understand my point.

„If I remember correctly, I was not the one to run away in the middle of the night. Besides that, I firmly believe in second chances.“, Patrick said matter of factly.

„Patrick, I don’t know. I still think this was a mistake.“, I sighed.

„Well, I don’t. Please don’t make me beg, Jessica. I mean, not that I wouldn’t, I totally would beg on my knees, but please don’t make me.“, he said with a slightly humorous undertone.

„Why, Patrick? Why do you have to be so god damn irresistible? You’re my fucking kryptonite.“, I groaned playfully, cupping his cheeks with my fingers.

„’Cause I’m cute.“, he grinned, running a hand underneath my shirt and up my side.

„Indeed.“, I chuckled.

„Besides, I’m still literally stuck balls-deep inside you, Sweetheart.“, he mumbled jokingly, cupping one of my breasts through my bra beneath my shirt.

„Seriously Patrick, look at us, it’s been barely three weeks and we once again can’t keep our hands off of each other. This can’t be healthy.“, I murmured.

„I don’t see what’s wrong with that. I certainly wanted to take you out on a date first, but when does anything go to plan?“, he said, a crooked grin grazing his lips.

„Patrick...“, I whined, wanting him to take this serious.

„One date, Jess. One date and if you still think this is wrong afterwards, I promise I’m not gonna ask you again.“, he begged again, looking at me with a hopeful expression on his face.

„One date. You have one date. Make it count.“, I breathed, making him smile as he leaned in to connect our lips again.

Still a bit out of breath, I lifted myself off of him, both of us whimpering at the loss when he finally slipped out of me. Pulling me against his side, he sighed heavily and started tracing patterns on my back with his hand, softly kissing the top of my head as I slowly drifted off to sleep in his arms, feeling warm and protected for the first time in years. Nothing more had to be said that night.


	7. The Downfall

I woke up to Patrick peppering featherlight kisses along my neck and shoulders, his right arm resting around my waist while he spooned me.

„Where am I?“, I murmured with my eyes still closed. I certainly wasn’t on his couch anymore, there was way too much room for the both of us.

„In my bed.“, he whispered, sneakily slipping his hand beneath the fabric of my shirt and travelling it further up.

„How did I get here?“, I asked softly, relaxing into his touch.

„I carried you here when you fell asleep on the couch last night.“, he said, his peppering of little kisses now turning to gentle nips and bites on the bare skin of my neck and shoulder.

„Stop it.“, I whined playfully, to no avail trying to wiggle out of his grip.

„Stop it, Patrick, you’re gonna leave a mark.“, I said louder when he ignored me.

„I wouldn’t mind.“, he chuckled.

„I kind of figured that, but I actually would. I can’t go to work with my neck covered in love bites, let alone pick up Max from kinder-“, I sat up abruptly.  **_ Max _ ** .

„Trick, what time is it?“, I asked, staring blankly ahead.

„Half past ten, why?“, he said, watching me with a confused expression.

„Oh my god, what am I doing? It’s fucking Monday, I have to bring Max to kindergarten!“, I panicked, scrambling to get out of bed while Patrick just stared at me for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter.

„Why the fuck are you laughing?!“, I snapped, suddenly noticing that he was fully clothed in black skinny jeans and a light blue button down.

„Calm down, I brought Max to kindergarten this morning. You were still sleeping and you looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you. Would you come back here now, please?“, he chuckled, motioning for me to take my place in his arms again. Sighing I plopped back down on the mattress, letting him pull me into his side and laying my head on his chest while he played with my hair, absentmindedly twirling the ginger curls between his fingers.

„When are you free this week? I was promised a date, if I remember correctly.“, Patrick broke the silence after a few minutes.

„I think you might remember correctly. I don’t have work on wednesday. How about lunch? Max will be in kindergarten until afternoon and I could ask my dad to pick him up and take care of him for a few hours afterwards.“

„Sounds good.“, he mumbled, his eyelids slowly drifting shut.

„Where do you wanna go?“, I asked, gently nudging him so he wouldn’t fall asleep.

„I think I have an idea.“, he said, eyes still closed and a smug smile gracing his lips.

„Our diner?“, I asked excitedly, talking about the small diner we often went to on dates before we moved to Los Angeles.

„Our diner.“, he said.

„Sounds good.“, I murmured, my eyes closing, too, as I let his warmth engulf me. I felt his breath evening out beneath me, his steady heartbeat lulling me back to sleep. Before I wandered completely back off into dreamland, I heard Patrick faintly mumble something in his sleep that sounded a little bit like the three words I deep down longed to hear him say again since we walked into each other at Pete’s house a few weeks ago.

***

 

„Shit, where is it?“, I mumbled to myself, annoyed for not finding my ringing phone in my bag. It was late wednesday morning, around eleven o’ clock and I was at the grocery store, doing my shopping for the week after dropping Max off at kindergarten. I was stressed already, because Patrick and I had agreed on meeting at the diner at half past twelve for lunch and I didn’t see myself being on time with how things were going.

„Aha!“, I called, triumphantly holding the phone in the air above my head. I was really surprised it hadn’t died already, because I forgot to charge it the night before.

„Hello?“, I answered without looking at the screen, trying to not sound too out of breath.

„Yes, hello, is this Jessica Wentz?“, an unfamiliar female voice rang through the speaker.

„This is her, who am I speaking with?“, I asked, slightly confused.

„It’s good to speak to you, Miss Wentz, this is Alice Greenwood, casting director for the upcoming musical for which you auditioned for the female leading role a few weeks ago.“, the woman explained kindly.

„Yes, hello Mrs Greenwood.“, I said, my heart skipping a few beats.

„So, we decided to give you and two other girls the chance of a callback. It’s today at noon, so in an hour. We wanted it to be as spontaneous and unprepared as possible. Will you take the callback? It will be given to the next candidate on the list if you don’t.“

„Yes, of course. I-i’ll be there.“, I stuttered, still shocked that I got the chance to finally land a leading role in one of the biggest musicals of the year. The only problem was that now I certainly wouldn’t make it on time to the date.

„That’s good to hear, Miss Wentz, I’ll see you then!“, Alice Greenwood said in a cheerful voice.

„Yeah, see you.“, I said, hanging up.  _ Shit _ . I didn’t want to disappoint Patrick with getting a raincheck on the date, but I just couldn’t let a chance like that slip from my fingers. He would understand, I was sure of it.

I quickly dialed his number to explain the situation to him when suddenly the phone died in my hands.  _ Fuck _ . I panicked. There was no time to go home and charge the device before the callback. If I wanted to be on time, I had to leave the store and drive there immediately, without stopping by at Patrick’s house for an explanation. There was no way I could let him know that I wouldn’t make it. Regardless, my decision stood. I wanted a better life for Max and for myself. This was what I had always dreamed of.

***

I arrived at the diner almost one and a half hours late, hoping that Patrick would still be there. My phone battery was still dead, so there was no way of contacting him through that in the following hours. I quickly jumped out of the car and ran to the entrance, pushing the door open and almost immediately colliding face first with another human body.

Looking up, I breathed a sigh of relief when I recognized the short, but still several inches taller than me, fedora-wearing man standing in front of me. 

„Thank god, Patrick! I’m so sorry I-“, I tried to explain myself.

„Safe it, Jessica.“, he interrupted me sternly, a bittter expression on his face.

„W-what?“, I asked, a bit confused by him not hearing me out.  
„I don’t want to hear it. You stood me up, I don’t care about your excuses.“, he said sharply, pushing his way out of the diner.

„Patrick, wait!“, I called, rushing after him.

„No, Jessica. I understand. You don’t want to have anything to do with me. You moved on and I have to accept that you don’t want me anymore.“

„No, Patrick, please-“, I tried to explain myself once again.

„I said safe it!“, he snapped, making me flinch.

„You know, I really thought we had something going again, but apparently I was wrong. I just don’t understand why you thought it neccesary to get my hopes up. I thought I knew you, but I clearly didn’t. You bared your true self when you just left me without warning. I was devastated, desperate, confused and so fucking hurt, but I clearly wasted my feelings on you. I always thought I would marry you one day. I thought you were the one for me, my soulmate. How could I be so fucking blind?! How could I fool myself like that?! You are just like all the other selfish bitches! Now that I realized that, maybe I can finally get over you. So would you please leave me the last bit of dignity I have left and leave me the fuck alone?!“, he almost screamed, making me shrink back in shock. He was really scaring me, I didn’t know him like that. He had never raised his voice towards me or insulted me like that before. 

 

„F-fine.“, I stuttered quietly, turning on my heels and quickly walking back to my car, trying to hold back the tears wavering in my eyes until I got in. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of breaking down in front of him. Turning the car on, I took a deep breath before speeding out of the parking lot as fast as possible, finally letting the tears fall freely. 

***

Groaning loudly, Pete picked himself up off his couch.

„Jeez, I’m coming!“, he shouted when the banging on his front door only grew louder.

Shivering at the loss of comfort, Pete slowly shuffled through the hallway to answer the door.

„Where is she?!“, was all Pete heard when he was shoved aside by a panicked Patrick rushing into his house.

„Where is who?“, Pete asked, still in a daze from his little afternoon nap.

„Who the fuck do you think I’m talking about?!“, Patrick boomed.

„Hey, would you bring it down a notch, Bronx is sleeping upstairs!“, Pete snapped back.

„I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do. I need to find her.“, Patrick mumbled, finally meeting Pete’s eyes with his.

„I don’t know, Lunchbox. You really fucked up this time.“, Pete sighed.

„I know that, Pete. That’s why I need to talk to her. I have to fix this.“

„Well, as you can see, she’s not here.“

„But she was here?“

„Obviously.“

„And you know where she is?“

„Surely.“

„Please, Pete. I need your help.“, Patrick was full on begging at this point. Wheter he was about to ridicule himself, he didn’t care. All he cared about was the woman he just managed to lose again.

„I don’t know, Patrick. I always rooted for you two and I was beyond happy when you started talking again. You told me you wanted to get her back and I was ecstatic. And then you went and fucked up again. You really fucking hurt her and I’m seriously contemplating beating the shit out of you right now, but I won’t do that, ‘cause I know my sister wouldn’t want that. You had her, you god damn moron! You fucking had her and you fucked it up all over again! You had your chance. I don’t think she wants to see you. I found her fucking breaking down on my front porch. I never saw her like that, not even when you guys broke up for the first time. You fucking broke her, Lunchbox. I really don’t think you deserve her anymore.“, Pete said grimmly.

„Do you think I don’t know that? I never even deserved her in the first place. I know I shouldn’t have said all those things, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I was so angry at her for standing me up and I just saw red. I regretted it the moment I saw that devastated look on her face when she turned around and left me standing in that parking lot. I need to at least apologize, even if she doesn’t take me back, I at least need to try to fix this.“, Patrick ranted, nervously running his hands through his fedora-missing hair.

„It really would be a miracle if she took you back. She didn’t stand you up, she had a spontaneous callback for the musical she auditioned for and her phone died when she tried calling you. Do you expect her to let that fucking chance of a lifetime slide just to have lunch with you, you fucking idiot? You didn’t even let her explain!“, Pete sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

„W-what? Oh my god, what did I do?“, Patrick mumbled to himself, slowly sitting down on Pete’s couch and holding his head in his hands.

„Pete, you need to help me.“, he sobbed quietly, not able to stop the tears sliding down his cheeks.

„You really love her, do you?“, Pete asked quietly, sitting down next to his idiot of a best friend and carefully rubbing circles on his back.

„More than anything. She’s the love of my life, I can’t loose her again. It’s either her or dying alone.“, Patrick mumbled, wiping his eyes dry of subsiding tears.

Pete sighed deeply, thinking about a similar situation he had found himself in earlier.

_ He had taken his sister inside after she broke down on his front porch, having severe difficulties in understanding what she was saying through her heartwrenching sobs. He comforted her until her sobs subsided a bit and then made her a hot tea to calm her down. _

__

_ „You really love him, do you?“, he asked. _

_ „I never stopped loving him. He’s the love of my life. I regretted leaving him since the second I turned my back on our life together. I should’ve just sucked it up and stayed with him, but I just had to be my fucking stubborn self. For me it’s either him or dying alone. I just thought he felt the same. Apparently I was wrong.“, Jess mumbled, a broken look crossing her features. _

_ „Don’t say that, little Wentz. I bet he’s beating himself up over what he did right now.“, Pete tried to make light of the situation. _

__

_ „Didn’t really sound like that an hour ago.“, she scoffed. _

_ „Okay, listen. I’m taking you to Dad’s house. Take a few days off, relax and try to get your mind off things. I’m going to get Max after kindergarten today and I’m also taking care of him until you feel better.“, he said with finality. _

_ „Thank you, Pete. You’re the best brother in the world.“, she said quietly. _

_ „I know.“, Pete chuckled warmly. _

**__ **

**__ **

„You’ll find her where it all began.“, Pete sighed cryptically. He had promised Jess not to tell Patrick where to find her after all. He was not exactly doing that, right?

„Do whatever you have to do to fix this, but if you ever hurt her again I swear I’m going to kick your fucking ass, Luchbox.“, Pete added, standing up and patting Patrick on the back one last time before making his way down the hall and up the stairs to wake up Bronx from his nap.


	8. Under The Stars

„Excuse me, is this seat taken?“

I was startled out of my thoughts by the one voice I didn’t expect to hear again in the near future.

„What the hell are you doing here? How did you even get in?“, I sniffled, completely failing in trying to hide my tears.

„Your dad let me in. Didn’t take me a lot of convincing. He still thinks of me as family, I guess.“, Patrick explained while climbing out of the window of my old room and planting himself next to me on the roof of my childhood house, the place where he first kissed me under the stars all those years ago.

I instinctively shrunk back when our thighs touched.

„Jess...“, Patrick sighed.

„If you’re here to hurt me again you can safe your energy, my heart’s already broken.“, I mumbled, eyes downcast and refusing to even do as much as look at him.

„I really fucked up, huh?“, Patrick said in what almost sounded like a whimper, making me finally look up at him in confusion.

„Pete told me everything. I’m a fucking idiot. I-i just never got over when you left me and I guess I’m still afraid of getting hurt again and so I just assumed the worst without even giving you a chance at explaining. I would fully understand if you kicked me out and never wanted to see me again, but I’m here to ask, no scratch that, I’m here to beg for your forgiveness. I’m so sorry, Jess. I didn’t mean any of that shit I said, I was just so angry. Totally unjustified of course. I can’t expect you to give up on your dreams for me again. We both know how bad that ended the last time I made you do that. I want you in my life and I want Max in my life, so would you give me a chance at fixing this?“, he rambled on, his voice on the verge of breaking.

„Please say something.“, he whispered when I just stared blankly at him, completely at a loss for words.

„You know, I regretted leaving you the moment I turned my back on you. I should’ve just stayed with you, that would have saved the both of us from so much pain.“, I sighed, hesitantly reaching up to wipe a stray tear off of Patrick’s face. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch, a contended sigh escaping him.

„I know, but you’re not the only one to blame for that. I should have tried harder, but I didn’t even realize that I was slowly losing you until it was too late. If I would have paid more attention, maybe I would have found a way to fix it in time.“

„Maybe not. I was so fucking stubborn. I’m sorry for everything. I guess we both fucked up.“

„I love you, Jess. I never stopped loving you, actually.“, Patrick suddenly blurted, making me stop in my tracks and stare up at him in shock. He kept staring ahead, seemingly afraid of meeting my gaze.

„It’s true and I don’t care if it’s too early to say that again or if you don’t feel the same, I just wanted you to know that.“, he added, finally turning his head and holding my gaze, a hopeful look in his eyes.

„Trick, I..“, I began, but was cut off by him again.

„No wait, I’m not finished.“, he said while rummaging in the pocket of his jeans.

„This will probably turn out to be highly inappropiate, but I need to prove that I’m serious about everything I said just now. I actually bought this for you a little more than a year before you left, but I never mustered up the courage to give it to you. I know that sounds awkward, but I carry it around with me since then.“, he explained nervously, taking my hand in his and placing a small velvet box in my palm. My breath hitched audibly as I stared at the box in my hands.  _ It couldn’t be...or could it? _

__

„Open it.“, Patrick ordered softly and I complied, carefully lifting the lid of the box, the most beautiful ring I had ever seen being revealed. I gasped, staring up at him in shock again.

„Trick, what...?“

„It’s an engagement ring. I was planning on asking you to marry me, but I just couldn’t find the right moment. I guess I didn’t have to anymore when you left.“

„I’m so sorry.“, I whimpered, closing the box and stretching my hand out to give it back to him.

„Take it. It’s yours. It has always been yours, along with my heart.“, he said, the corner of his mouth twitching up in a soft lopsided smile.

„Trick, are you trying to do what I think you’re trying to do right now?“

„What do you think I’m trying to do?“

„A-are you trying to propose?“

„It isn’t working, is it? God, this was a bad idea. I’m sorry, but I thought I’d take my chance as long as I still could.“, he sighed, a defeated look replacing the hope in his eyes.

„Wait!“, I squeaked a little too loud when he tried reaching for the box, startling both of us equally.

„Did I say no?“, I asked, looking at him sternly.

„So is that a yes?“, he asked cautiously, hope lacing his voice again.

„I love you, Trick. You and Max always were and always will be my everything. So, as crazy as this might sound, the answer is yes.“, I said, the corners of my mouth pulling up into a bright smile.

„What, really? I can’t believe this actually worked.“, Patrick laughed and grabbed the box, carefully placing the ring on my ring finger before raising the hand to his lips and gently kissing my knuckles.

„I love you so much, Jessica Alexandra Wentz, soon to be Stumph.“, he whispered with a blissfull smile gracing his lips.

„I love you more, Patrick Martin Stumph.“, I whispered back, my smile just as bright as his.

„I love you the most.“, he chuckled, managing to brighten my smile even more.

„Shut up and kiss me, you dork.“, I laughed, pulling him down by the collar of his shirt.

„Gladly.“, he mumbled before cupping my cheeks in his hands and connecting our lips in a soft, yet passionate kiss. When Patrick used his tongue to ask for entrance, it didn’t take long for the soft kisses to develop into a full blown make-out session on the roof of my childhood home.

After climbing through the window and stumbling back into my old room, Patrick pulled me as close to him as possible, not leaving any space between us, and connected our lips again. He slowly walked forward, pushing me backwards with his body until he suddenly stopped and disconnected our lips for air, breathing heavily and staring at me with darkened pupils, a mischievous glint in his eyes, the corner of his mouth twitching up in a lopsided grin.

Suddenly he crouched down to grab the backs of my thighs and lifted me up on his hips, holding me in place with his hands and making me yelp in surprise. He just chuckled and pecked my lips before he jumped on the bed, taking me down with him and knocking the air out of me in the process.

„You dork!“, I gasped as we both burst out in breathless laughter.

Patrick flipped us over so he was on top of me, immediately finding his place in between my thighs. I pulled him down by the collar of his shirt to kiss him again, our lips and tongues fighting for dominance which he easily won while I was concentrated on trailing my hand down his chest and soft stomach, opening up the buttons of his shirt. Patrick used my distraction as his opportunity to snake his hands beneath the fabric of my shirt and gently trailed his fingertips across my stomach and up my sides, leaving goosebumps in his wake.

„Raise your arms.“, he whispered, grabbing my shirt and pulling it up and off in one smooth motion after I complied. As soon as the annoying fabric was off, Patrick leaned forward and pressed me back into the cushions of the bed with his body. He attached his lips to my jaw, trailing open mouthed kisses down my neck and collarbones, sucking marks onto my skin here and there.

I whimpered when he sucked and nipped a mark on my sweet spot, still remembering where it was. I felt him grinning against my skin at the soft noises of pleasure that tumbled out of my mouth. Making his way downwards, he cupped my still clothed breasts with his hands and kissed the tops of them before he buried his face between them.

„What the hell are you doing?“, I laughed, snaking my arms around his neck.

„I missed them.“, he breathed, his voice muffled by the flesh of my chest.

„I missed you.“, he added quietly as he raised his head to meet my gaze with his.

„I missed you, too.“, I said and pulled him up again to softly kiss him.

Patrick trailed his hand around my back, trying and failing miserably to open my bra one-handed like he used to do.

„Need any help?“, I chuckled when he couldn’t get the clasp open after several tries.

„Man, I didn’t do that in a long time.“, he snickered.

Deciding to put him out of his misery, I gently pushed him back so I could sit up and reached behind my back to unclasp my bra, taking it off and tossing it across the room. Patrick sat back on his heels and wordlessly stared at my bare chest.

„Like what you see?“, I asked, innocently looking up at him.

„Yeah, you could say that.“, he scoffed, not so subtly glancing down at the forming buldge in his jeans.

I reached for him and helped him to quickly shrug off his previously opened shirt, pulling him back on top of me afterwards, desperate to feel his skin on mine. He was so warm  and comfy. He connnected  our lips again, softly caressing my tongue with his. I gasped when I felt his hands on my breasts, softly kneeding the flesh between his fingers, a delightful growling noise breaking from deep within his chest.

A loud moan escaped my lips when he gave each of my nipples a gentle pinch before trailing his hands down my body and pulling the waistband of my sweatpants down over my hips. I helped him take my pants off completely, afterwards making quick work of my panties, too.

Patrick lunged forward to passionately kiss me again, a delightful whimper tumbling out of my mouth when I felt his erection against my thigh, still trapped beneath the confines of his jeans. I reached down to unbuckle his belt and make quick work on his zipper, pushing my hand underneath the waistband of his boxers to free him from his prison of fabric.

He groaned deeply when my hand came in contact with the silky skin of his cock. Already finding him fully erect, I stroked him a few times with my hand and started pushing his jeans down along with his boxers, wrapping my legs around his hips when they were off, his erection resting heavily on my hip.

Testing the waters, he circled my entrance with one finger before pushing it in, curling it just the right way to coax a high pitched moan out of me. He inserted a second finger and then a third, curling his fingers and using his thumb to circle my clit. Little moans and cries of pleasure escaped my lips while he stretched me for him.

„I-i’m ready, Trick. P-please, I-i need more.“, I stuttered, having enough of the endless teasing. He leaned forward and kissed me again before he slipped his fingers out of me, licking my juices off of his hand while holding my gaze with a smug smile plastered on his face. He quickly replaced his fingers with the tip of his cock at my entrance, rubbing it up and down my pussy, spreading my slick over his cock.

„Patrick, please!“, I groaned again and he took that as his cue to position himself back at my entrance and slowly rock his way inside of me. I cried out in pleasure while he stilled, scrunching up his face in a deep frown for a few seconds. He took a deep breath before slowly starting his rhythm with long and deep thrusts.

„Fuck, almost came.“, he mumbled more to himself as he wrapped me up in his embrace, wanting me as close as possible while steadily bottoming his hips out in a slow rhythm. He kissed me again, letting the passion between us take control of his actions.

„Please, more!“, I gasped and he sped up his pace, his thrusts gaining strength.

„You feel so good, Trick.“, I moaned, coaxing a low growl out of him, when he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I crossed my ankles around his hips and raked my nails down his back, leaving a few marks of my own.

„So tight.“, he mumbled, followed by a string of curse words. I started bucking my hips up in order to meet his thrusts and he picked up his pace even more.

„Fuck, Jessica, I love you!“, he groaned, voice still muffled by my skin. I didn’t remember the last time I felt as good as in that moment, getting fucked into the mattress by my ex-boyfriend, now fiance and love of my life, feeling his skin on my skin, our sweat mixing, breath mingling as breathy moans and soft cries of pleasure escaped both of our lips.

„I love you, too.“, I whimpered, feeling myself race towards my peak.

The moment he reached down to rub my clit, I felt the familiar coil in my lower region tighten. My legs started to shake and my walls started to clench around him while his thrusts grew more erratic by the second. Finally, my back arched from the bed and I saw white as hot waves of pleasure coursed through me and I came with a loud cry of his name.

He only lasted a few more seconds until he stilled and spilled deep within me in hot spurts with a feral growl, biting down on my shoulder to keep the noise down. I gently pulled his face to mine to kiss him softly as we stayed connected for a short while to catch our breaths.

When he rolled off of me and pulled my body into his side, a soft chuckle tumbled from his lips.

„What is it?“, I mumbled, a blissfull smile plastered on my face.

„Nothing. I just realized that I actually can’t live without you. I never felt as complete and happy as I do now in the last few years.“, he said, tilting my chin up with his fingers and pecking me on the lips.

„Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel exactly the same.“, I mumbled against his lips and kissed him again. Sighing contentedly, he wrapped me up in his arms as I laid my head on his chest, both of us still breathing heavily.

„Hey, why don’t you and Max move in?“, Patrick suddenly broke the comfortable silence.

„W-what?“, I asked, startled out of my half asleep state.

„I-i mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I-i just thought it would make sense now that we’re e-engaged.“, Patrick stammered, his insecurities getting the best of him.

I propped myself up on my elbow to face him, scooted closer to him and cut his rambling off with another kiss.

„Of course we’ll move in with you, silly, I was just not expecting that question right now.“, I grinned and reached up to wipe a few sweaty strands of hair out of his eyes..

„Oh, good. Then it’s settled.“, he chuckled, snatching my hand off of his face to softly kiss my knuckles.

„Yeah, it’s settled.“, I repeated, settling back against his side and slowly falling into a blissfull sleep in my fiance’s arms.

 


	9. Epilogue

** November 2018 **

 

„Guys, I’m home!“, I heard my husband yell from the hallway after the front door clicked shut. Sighing happily, I closed my book and heaved myself up off the couch in the living room, slowly waddling in his direction.

„Daddy!!“, I suddenly heard behind me when I reached the doorway, spotting Patrick shrugging off his jacket. I was able to jump aside in the last second before Max and his younger brother Declan, who was born in October 2014, came running through the hall, followed by their little sister Clementine, who couldn’t keep up with her tiny legs. She was almost two and a half years old, welcomed to the world in June 2016.

My husband, who just came back from tour, crouched down and opened his arms only to instantly get tackled to the floor by his joyfully screaming children. Laughing loudly, he hugged his kids to him, telling them how much he missed them. Luckily he was back from the last bit of the tour for the band’s newest album that came out in January. Not that I wasn’t grateful that Patrick did what he loved for a living, it just sometimes was hard to not have him around all the time, but he came home as often as he could while on tour. Even if it was just for a few days. Sometimes he even took us with him on the road.

I actually got the role I auditioned for when Patrick and I got back together and worked on that musical for almost a year until I got pregnant again. I’m still working as a theatre or musical actress from time to time, but my focus is entirely on my family. I work a lot from home, writing scripts for new plays and musicals.

Patrick picked himself up off the floor and made his way over to me, wrapping me up in his arms as much as it was possible with my huge baby bump between us.

„How are you? How are they?“, he breathed, resting one hand on my stomach, feeling one of his offsprings kick in response.

„We are good, don’t worry. They just lately make it really hard for me to move around like I’m used to do. Being pregnant with twins is indeed different from only having one kid growing inside me.“, I chuckled.

„Only two more months, Baby. You have me to help you now and I’m not going away again anytime soon.“, Patrick grinned.

„Right, only two more months. You know what that means?“, I asked, snaking my arms around his neck.

„What?“

„Five kids, Patrick. We’re gonna have our hands full with five kids.“, I chuckled.

„Look, I know it’s gonna be exhausting from time to time, but in the end it’ll be worth it. I love you so much.“, he said, leaning his forehead against mine.

„I love you, too, Trick. But you’re still getting a vasectomy after this.“, I hummed playfully.

„We’ll see.“, he chuckled before finally pressing his lips to mine.

   


***

 

Later that evening while Patrick was unpacking his bags and the kids were watching cartoons in the living room, I started cooking dinner for the whole family. When I was halfway finished with my grandma’s famous lasagna, I felt my husband wrap his arms around my middle, resting his hands on my baby bump. 

„That smells delicious. Need any help?“, he whispered and kissed my shoulder before resting his chin on it.

„Well, hello Mr. Stump. You helping me with my cooking? That’s new. Trying to get lucky tonight?“, I chuckled, kissing his cheek.

„Maybe. I didn’t have you for myself in six weeks.“, he mumbled against my skin when he started trailing little kisses up and down my neck, making me hum happily.

„But you’ll have to wait until the kids are sleeping.“, I said.

„Let’s see if I can, you look radiantly beautiful tonight.“, he murmured.

„I mean you’re always beautiful, but tonight you’re literally glowing.“, he added after a short pause before he attached his lips to my neck again, sucking a fresh mark in the delicate skin.

„Patrick.“, I said in a warning tone.

„Alright, alright. I’ll wait.“, he chuckled and let go of me, leaning against the counter next to me and watching me finish preparing the meal.

„You know what day is tomorrow, right?“, he asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

„It’s the twelfth of November, why do you ask?“, I said indifferently.

„Come on, Jess. You know what I’m talking about.“, he chuckled.

„Of course. It’s our wedding day.“, I smiled.

„I can’t believe it’s been five years since I made you mine forever.“, Patrick whispered.

„Time’s running ahead of us, the kids are growing up so fast and we’re getting older every day. But that doesn’t change the fact that you still make me the luckiest girl in the world. I think meeting you again back at Pete’s house almost six years ago was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I love you so much, Trick.“, I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

„I love you, too, Jess. So much. And we’re just in our thirties, we have all the time in the world to do things we always wanted to do. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re literally my other half. I’m incomplete without you and I’m really looking forward to growing old with you.“, he murmured, slowly leaning in to close the gap between us.

„ _ ’Till the sun don’t shine, you will still be mine. _ “, I hummed, letting my eyes fall shut when our lips met in a passionate kiss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s a wrap! I’m actually so proud of myself that I finished this story and that I actually think it’s good. I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who took the time to read this and of course to everyone who will read it in the future!
> 
> I’m actually planning on a sequel in the form a collection of oneshots of little snippets and scenes from Patrick’s and Jess’ life together. I will be collecting ideas before I start. You can request something, if you have an idea, too. They can be from before the breakup or after they got back together, everything’s possible.


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